If you clicked on this article based on its title, I welcome you with open arms.
Seriously, I now consider you a close friend based on your passion for Jon Gosselin's passions. I love you.
For those of you who happened upon this article just by chance, I can only hope you leave with a sadness in your soul that can only be cured by crying into a plate of unlimited apps at T.G.I. Friday's. *seamless transition into the point of this article*
In 2007, a show about Gosselin, his wife, their twins and sextuplets called "Jon & Kate Plus 8" hit TLC and stole America's hearts. They became the official first family of this beautiful nation and the fashion icons the world so desperately craved in the dark times of the early 2000s. Everyone wanted to be a Gosselin.
OK, so maybe not. But they would've been on that Kardashian track (and Kate would've had Kate-mojis by now) if Jon didn't totally ditch after four seasons.
The show switched to "Kate Plus 8" in 2010 after Kate and Jon divorced, and we sadly watched Kate Gosselin and her hair fade into the "Honey Boo Boo" memories of yesteryear.
However, over the past two days, Jon Gosselin's name has returned to tabloid headlines.
Yesterday, we learned Jon Gosselin is working in the kitchen at a T.G.I. Friday's in Lancaster, PA, in addition to spinning mad beats as a DJ there on occasion. (Sidenote: If he doesn't call himself DJI Friday's, I have lost my will to live.)
The general manager of the restaurant reportedly told Page Six,
He works here because he likes to cook. He cooks during the day for me and sometimes here and there. He's done a great job the last couple of months. He's part of my Friday's family.
So that's really great for him because he clearly needs a family. It's not like he has over half a dozen children to fill that void.
Regardless, it was reported Jonny Boy donated his paycheck to various children's charities. I guess that fuck-you TLC money is still intact, along with that family-abandonment guilt.
But that was yesterday. Today, the joy we felt last night as we fell soundly asleep knowing JonG was doin' just fine is dead and gone.
This morning, Gosselin spoke to Dallas radio station 103.7 and said,
I'm not going to work there anymore because now the trust and the teamwork is gone. Now someone took a picture of me and sold it... Now I gotta leave a job I was passionate about.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Seriously, on behalf of the United States of America, I'd like to personally scold the MONSTERS who DEMONICALLY revealed Jon Gosselin's truest passion: fast-food employment.
It's just not right. We're sad for you, Jon. We hope you find it in you to continue on and maybe, just maybe, release a demo of your tracks so I have more than one song on my TLC playlist.