Scrolling through your free-spirited college friend Mercedes' Insta as she posts one romantic, dusty Burning Man photo after another can be envy-inducing until you realize — hold up — you do NOT want to be at Burning Man right now.
Festivals are fun for anyone able to lean into the philosophies attached, but some of us would rather die than suspend our judgmental, indoor, black-pants-in-August vibe for even a second.
Burning Man Hate Week, a Tumblr and Instagram dedicated to trolling the Nevada-based desert fest, understands. They're here to bring you “Playa hating at its finest.”
Though the account is parody, the lessons that lie within are so real.
1. Don't accidentally roofie yourself.
2. Stay DTF.
3. Abandon your baby.
4. Invite your parents along like it's not super weird.
5. Participate in reckless cultural theft.
6. Be a fearless, furry, sex amphibian.
7. Nama-stay spiritual and super annoying.
8. Reserve personal fights for public spaces.
9. Burn for 24 straight years or until your untimely death.
10. Pray for world threace.
11. Burn from home.
12. Tattoo your Playa Name on your dumb face.
Yeah, FUCK Burning Man, right?! Hahahahaha, oh man. I hate sunshine.