Here's The 'Gilmore Girls' Family Tree If Rory Marries Jess, Lorelai Weds Luke
I cannot believe my lucky Stars Hollow that "Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life" is coming to Netflix next week.
In the meantime, I'll be taking over Elite Daily's Snapchat on Friday night and heading to the premiere, followed by an afterparty in -- you guessed it -- Stars Hollow.
The upcoming revival has spawned some interesting and credible theories, from the notion that Rory is pregnant to the prediction that Jess and Rory are getting married.
However, before you speculate on that last theory, know this:
If Jess and Rory get married and Lorelai and Luke also tie the knot, the "Gilmore Girls" family tree will look straight out of "Game of Thrones."
Warning: The following family tree may appear like Ancestry.com exploded onto your screen.
What did I say? I warned you, right?
So, let's start with Jess and Rory.
If Lorelai and Luke finally get together for all of eternity and share a burial plot filled with the beans that make up Luke's coffee, then Jess and Rory would be step-cousins.
Why? Because Luke would become Rory's stepfather and since Jess is Luke's nephew, they'd be (*finishes a "Good Will Hunting"-like equation*) step-cousins.
Things get even crazier when you consider the very real possibility that Rory and Jess might have a kid, who we'll call Jory for all intents and purposes.
Not only would Jory be Rory's child, they'd also be each other's first step-cousins once removed. Ew.
"How is that possible?!" you scream to the heavens. Well, if your cousin has a kid, that little bundle of joy (that probably won't ever be mentioned in your will) is your first cousin once removed.
I'd like to think "once removed" was adopted as a phrase because you'd want your first cousin once removed actually removed from any family gathering.
Since Rory and Jess are step-cousins, Rory and Jory are first step-cousins once removed.
This brings me to the topic of Lorelai and Jory. Brace yourselves.
Not only is Lorelai hypothetical baby Jory's grandma (aw), she's also his or her great aunt.
If you need to take a minute and walk this terrible realization out, be my guest.
OK, because Lorelai becomes Jess' aunt (since she married his uncle), she becomes Jess' offspring's great aunt.
Look, my mom is a great aunt, but she's not MY great aunt.
Next, let's deal with Rory, Luke and Lorelai.
Luke and Lorelai are husband and wife, but they are also (dun, dun, dun) son-in-law's uncle and nephew's mother-in-law?
Can you imagine getting down on one knee, whipping out a ring and saying, "I want to be your son-in-law's uncle for the rest of my life."
No, stop. I just won't hear of it.
Not only would Rory be Lorelai's daughter, she'd be her niece-in-law since Lorelai's husband's nephew's wife (AKA Rory) is just that: a niece-in-law.
Well, I'm calling it. This show might become way too incestuous and feature more inbreeding than the Targaryens' lineage.
Regardless, I'll still binge-watch the entire series and hope that Rory and Jess get together and Luke and Lorelai make it legally official, too.