Stephen Colbert didn't waste anytime this evening in the his opening monologue for the 2017 Emmy Awards, going after the elephant in the room.. or the elephant in the White House, watching the room. Donald Trump, as we know, cares a whole lot about the Emmys. And he watches a lot of TV. So Colbert asked the practical question? Is Trump watching the Emmys? And if so, will he tweet?
Here's the thing, as Colbert spelled out so well this evening. Trump hates the Emmys. Hates them. He would love them, he would love, love the Emmys, except for one little problem: They never gave him one. Therefore, being Trump, he hates, hates the Emmys. They're rigged, it's a fraud, big fraud. He should have won. Colbert even rolled out the amazing moment during the debate with Clinton where Trump showed he's still not over losing the Emmys year after year, and that he never got one for his show The Apprentice.
As Colbert also pointed out, if the Emmys had just held their nose and handed the poor little man and his fragile, painful, desperate-to-be-loved-ego one of those silly little statuettes they're handing out tonight, he might not have run for president in the first place.
But enough about Colbert's jokes. (Though the entire monologue was one of the few in recent memory that hit every last joke out of the park, and left the audience screaming with laughter. Sean Spicer has never gotten such a positive reaction for coming out with a lectern, and may never do so again.) The question of the evening is: since Trump watches so much TV, will he be tuned in tonight?
If he is, someone either took away his phone, or he is exerting some amazing self control. Because according to the Real Press Secretary Bot (which takes all of Trump's tweets and turns them into Memos from the President's Desk, which is what all statements like the ones Trump makes on Twitter technically are), he's silent right now.
Instead, his last tweet is boasting how busy he is, so busy! Doing those president things, you know, the ones president's do! So very busy!
Uh huh. Somehow I get the feeling that Trump wasn't thinking of North Korea, or Congress when he tweeted that, but of the Emmys, which he's so much better than now. Because he's president! Too busy to watch! Busy presidenting!
It's so sad, too. As Colbert pointed out, the Emmys should, by rights, be loving Trump right now.
With Trump probably not watching, or being steered away from watching by his handlers, chances are it won't be too long before we learn about Trump's thoughts. Because even if he doesn't watch tonight, Colbert's monologue was such a winner that all the rolling news channels, including CNN, MSNBC, and FOX will be running clips from it in the morning. Fox and Friends will insist he was terrible. CNN and MSNBC will hopefully not bother to lie like that.
Then Trump can spend his day fuming about an awards show that never saw fit to give him an award, and we can all be very thankful that he forgot all about North Korea and nuclear bombs for at least another 24 hours. If nothing else, we should be thanking Colbert for this short reprieve from the coming apocalypse, one that sadly won't have a dancing chorus line of Handmaids.
You know who I am hoping is spending her Sunday night off watching? Hillary. But of course, if she is, we'll never know. She's got more self-control than to be baited by a joke.