INGLEWOOD, CALIFORNIA: In this image released on May 2, Chrissy Teigen attends Global Citizen VAX LI...

Chrissy Opened Up About Being In The "Cancel Club" In An Emotional IG

She's got so many mixed feelings.

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Chrissy Teigen opened up about her current state of mind two months after being canceled in May for her history of cyber-bullying. The 35-year-old star admitted she’s unsure about whether it’s OK to share her feelings when she’s “clearly done something wrong.” At the end of the day, she decided to vent because she wants to start a dialogue with fans. If you haven’t checked it out already, Chrissy Teigen's Instagram about being canceled is a lot to take in.

The Cravings author got real about the aftermath of her bullying controversy in a July 14 post. “Iiiii don’t really know what to say here...just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter sh*t in real life,” Teigen began. “Going outside sucks and doesn’t feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race. But I do know that however I’m handling this now isn’t the right answer. I feel lost and need to find my place again, I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is okay.”

Kevin Mazur/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Teigen said being part of the “cancel club” has been “fascinating” and she’s learned a lot from it. She admitted having mixed feelings about opening up about her situation because she didn’t want to come off as “whiney.”

“It just sucks. There is no winning. But there never is here anyhow,” Teigen explained. “All I know is I love you guys, I miss you guys, and I just needed an honest moment with you because I’m just...tired of being sick with myself all day. I don’t even know if it’s good to say any of this because it’s gonna get brutally picked apart but I dunno. I can’t do this silent sh*t anymore!”

She ended her lengthy message with a joke. “If you or someone you know has also been cancelled please let me know if there is a cancel club reunion because I could use some time off my couch!” Teigen finished.

Teigen’s Instagram about being canceled comes months after Courtney Stodden called her out for cyber-bullying them in a May 10 interview with The Daily Beast. Soon after, she got criticized for sending Lindsay Lohan and Farrah Abraham hateful messages on Twitter years ago as well. Teigen apologized for her history of bullying in a May 12 Instagram.

Now, with her latest post, it seems Teigen wants to put the past behind her and return to using social media to make positive connections with fans again.