Dear Scott Disick: Stop Hooking Up With Teenagers
Hey, Scott, you got a second, buddy?
Listen, I know you and I have had some good times.
You, or whoever runs your social media, once posted an article I wrote about Las Vegas on your Facebook!
At the time, I tweeted a screenshot and asked for it to be placed on my gravestone.
No "Loving Daughter," no "Dedicated Wife" or "Badass M.C" written on my tomb -- just straight-up "One Time Scott Disick Posted Something She Wrote."
Now, I'm kind of regretting that request because once you tweet it, then it is in your will forever and... Disick, you gotta stop hooking up with teenagers.
The Kardashians may never disown you, but me?
A person you have never met and have no idea exists? I have to wash my hands of you because gross. You're a grown man.
You are 33 years old, Scott. This midlife crisis has hit early and has gone too far.
Just buy a stupid motorcycle to deal with the never-ending thought of your body deteriorating into death.
Listen, my guy, if a girl just got her braces off a year or two ago, and they're not defined as "adult braces," then she is too young for you.
This isn't the first time you left Kourtney at home to raise your children while you dated someone who could be legally considered a child just a few years ago.
This is Megan Blake Irwin, Disick's fling circa July 2016. She is 22 years old, Scott!
She is 11 years your junior! Had you met when you were a senior in high school, she would be in second grade.
A few months before this, you were seen with a 20-year-old Kendall Jenner look-a-like, which is TWO KINDS OF CREEPY, SCOTT.
A 20-year-old is 13 years younger than you. Christine Burke IS ALSO 13 YEARS OLDER THAN YOUR ELDEST SON, MASON.
DO YOU SEE WHY THIS IS GROSS???
But, fella, do I have to remind you of the 18-year-old you were caught with in 2015?
Just because it's the legal age of consent in most states doesn't mean you have to go that young.
Where do you even take an 18-year-old? It's not like you can grab a drink together. Are you going to see "Finding Dory" together or something?
If you are a grown-ass man, you shouldn't be dating a teenager.
Teenagers? If a grown-ass man wants to date you, ask yourself why he can't find someone more age appropriate?