My inability to pay for cable has made it very hard for me to keep up with the Kardashians as much as I would like to over the past couple of years, especially with the antics of Scott Disick, the Patrick Bateman clone who may be one of the most unapologetic assh*les to ever appear on reality television.
That's quite an achievement.
I should make it very clear I'm not a "h8r"-- ever since I acquired the first season of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" for reasons I'd rather not discuss, I've admired Disick for his sheer inability to care about anyone else but himself.
However, today tragedy struck when it was revealed Kourtney Kardashian is finally dumping Disick after almost a decade of dealing with his drunken antics and rampant douchebaggery.
Some may say this could be the end of Scott Disick, but based on the evidence, I think there's a good chance he's going to be just fine.
He is a lord.
In 2012, Scott went to London and decided he was jealous of the people with cool titles in front of their names. To rectify this problem, he went on the Internet and purchased a lordship.
I don't think that's how it works, but it doesn't really matter.
He's worth $12 million.
Money might not be able to buy happiness, but it can buy a bunch of things you can use to distract yourself.
He has an American Express Black Card.
The Centurion Card from American Express will forever be associated with people who have more money than they know what to do with, like Scott Disick, who once purchased a Steinway baby grand piano with his, despite not knowing how to play it.
He also has a cane.
If you can successfully pull off a cane, you are set for life. That's just how the world works.
He gets paid thousands of dollars to show up to strip clubs.
Back in April, Disick was reportedly paid $50,000 to show up at a strip club in Florida and stand around for a few hours. He didn't even have to take his clothes off.
I'm not sure how much his demand will be affected by the breakup, but I'm sure he'll figure something out.
He's an assh*le, and assh*les finish first.
He might be a douchebag, but he's a good-looking douchebag with a lot of money.
Based on what I've seen, those people tend to do pretty well for themselves if you ignore the part where they're terrible human beings.