Once upon a time, an actor named Jake had a thing with a singer named Taylor, and it resulted in a song that people made unconfirmed conspiracy theories about for years to come. That actor was Jake Gyllenhaal, that singer was Taylor Swift, and that song was "All Too Well." Ever since their brief romance back in November 2010, people have tried to coax the truth about their fling out of Gyllenhaal (and even his sister, Maggie Gyllenhaal), but he's stayed pretty much completely silent about the experience... until now. Jake Gyllenhaal's response to a question about Taylor Swift is the funniest sh*t you'll see all week. This guy knows how to deflect a question he doesn't want to answer.
In an interview with Boston Marathon survivor Jeff Bauman (whom Gyllenhaal is portraying in his upcoming film Stronger), Gyllenhaal and Bauman basically just roast each other with funny questions. Bauman comes out hot with his first question, saying, "You know Van Wilder, right? Ryan Reynolds?" Of course Gyllenhaal knows Ryan Reynolds... they are literally best friends and their bromance makes my heart sing. Bauman continues, "I really wanted him to play me. I was just wondering if you know why he didn't? He would've been better, I think." Ohhhh, these two.
Gyllenhaal then asks what Bauman's favorite Boston movie is "other than Steel Magnolias," and he's unimpressed when he responds with Good Will Hunting. I guess he doesn't like them apples. I am so sorry. OK, wait, I got sidetracked here by the wonderful bromance I witnessed in this video. We're here to talk about Taylor Swift, right? Right. So sorry about that.
The part where Taylor Swift comes in the best part of the whole damn video. Bauman, who lost his legs in the Boston Marathon bombing, asked,
If you lost your legs in real life, do you think Taylor Swift would write a song about it?
Gyllenhaal, looking like a combination of completely dead inside and completely betrayed, responded,
For me, or about it?
No, like, for you. Like a country song.
AND THERE IT IS: GYLLENHAAL'S ESCAPE. Bauman saying "country song" instead of just any old song gave Gyllenhaal the perfect avenue to avoid his least favorite question on the entire planet. All he said back was,
She sort of moved more into pop now.
Another Taylor Swift question ~perfectly avoided~. I guess Gyllenhaal knows the perfect way to answer (or not answer) questions about Taylor Swift... all too well. Not going to apologize for that one. Although the claims that the song "All Too Well" is about Swift's brief fling with the Stronger actor have never been officially confirmed, it's widely believed that it is, as there are some hints that have to do with The Scarf™.
The Scarf™ is the particular article of clothing Swift sings about when she sings,
I walked through the door with you, the air was cold, But something 'bout it felt like home somehow and I Left my scarf there at your sister's house, And you still got it in your drawer even now But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well
You know, that scarf. People assume the sister the song refers to is Maggie Gyllenhaal. Maggie said in an interview on Watch What Happens Live that she has been asked about the scarf way too many damn times, and she really doesn't understand it. She said in the interview on Sept. 13, 2017, "I never understood why everybody asked me about that scarf," and claims she's never seen it in her life. If Taylor Swift did leave The Scarf™ at the house, Maggie didn't know about it.
We don't even know for sure if this whole scarf thing went down or if it was just Swift taking some creative liberties when writing about her short relationship with the actor. But either way, Jake Gyllenhaal has been avoiding talking about Taylor Swift for seven years, and he's not going to start now. Jake Gyllenhaal be like:
Jeff what r u doing.
Jeff y r u doing this.
Brother, you have betrayed me.
These hoes ain't loyal.