HARRY STYLES HAS ENDED ME.
Literally, his new album has dug my grave and buried me deep inside. I never even liked One Direction. Seriously, I didn't care about them at all.
But I was HERE for it when "Sign of the Times" came out, and fuck me, this new album has made me a full-on Harry Styles fan.
MAKE ROOM IN THE FANDOM, BITCHES, I'M COMIN' IN HOT.
Harry Styles's self-titled album dropped today, and fans have already started dissecting every single lyric. But none SHOOK them quite as much as one line from the seventh song on the album, "Kiwi."
Brace yourselves for this. I wasn't warned, and I wish I had been. For I was not ready, and I am now sHoOkeTh to my core.
Here's the first verse. It's safe enough. No one has been slain yet.
She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect And all the boys, they were saying they were into it Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck
And now, here comes the chorus.
Driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it I'm kind of into it It's getting crazy, I think I'm losing it, I think I'm losing it I think she said 'I'm having your baby, it's none of your business' 'I'm having your baby, it's none of your business' 'I'm having your baby, it's none of your business' 'I'm having your baby, it's none of your, it's none of your'
"I'M HAVING YOUR BABY, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."
EXCUSE ME? FUCK.
THE ENTIRE INTERNET HAS BEEN CANCELLED.
No one was ready to hear Harry Styles belting, "I'm having your baby, it's none of your business" into their ears so early on a Friday morning.
Everyone is dead. Literally, just dead. Even James Corden is dead.
"Kiwi" is just the tip of the iceberg on this objectively fantastic album.
I literally bought the entire thing out of respect to the fact that Harry Styles has converted me.
What are the rules of the fandom, guys? Can someone tweet them at me so I'm up to date? Thanks!
Harry Styles, I now speak directly to you...
I'M HAVING YOUR BABY.
AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight Harry Styles fans everywhere.