Chrissy Teigen is the only person who is allowed to make jokes about airplanes from now on.
You hear that, Jerry Seinfeld? You hear that, mediocre aspiring comedians? I don't want to hear any more musings on airplane food or delayed flights.
Because y'all are never going to top this beautiful Twitter rant from Chrissy Teigen about people peeing on her airplane.
It wasn't very long, but it was perfect. The timing, the world-building — look I don't want to be melodramatic, but I think this Twitter rant might be better literature than Shakespeare.
Here's what happened: On Friday morning, Chrissy Teigen noticed an unusual occurrence on her flight.
Namely, a shit ton of people were peeing.
First Chrissy tweeted,
On a flight and people cannot stop peeing. It's an endless cycle of pee people. Like they bought a ticket just to pee nonstop.
Like, pretty much everybody on her plane was peeing.
Every god damn person on this plane has peed I've never seen anything like it.
Some people were even peeing twice.
One hour into the flight and we are now going into cycle two-pees for some people am I taking crazy pills.
Leaving Chrissy with the only possible conclusion: That plane bathroom was lit.
She ended this epic saga by tweeting,
They must know something I don't. What is in this bathroom.
It's not clear where Chrissy was flying to, but considering she was at the premiere of "Beauty and the Beast" with John Legend last night in LA, she was probably flying from LAX.
I have no idea what was going on with Chrissy's fellow traveling companions today, but I'm grateful she was there to tweet so hilariously about it.
And Chrissy, if you're reading this, I really think you should considering turning this gem into a stand-up routine.
I'm just saying, I'd pay to see you ask what the deal with airplane bathrooms is, any day.