Ah, yes, to be a celebrity. To have no real societal standards or rules apply to you and to have your children be immune to the cruelty of offensive nicknames and endless mocking from their classmates.
It is with this illusion of power that celebs name their children unusual things so the world will go, “HUH?” — and the media will, well, make lists like this.
Let me start off by saying EVERY CHILD IS A GIFT and EVERY NAME IS SPECIAL and WHO AM I TO JUDGE?
That said, with all due respect -- celebz, y u namin ur babiez crazy shit?
Here are some of the wild celebrity baby names so far in 2017.
Zooey Deschanel and Jacob Pechenik: Charlie Wolf
If it doesn't have an animal, food or intangible noun in it's name, then it's DEFINITELY not a celebrity baby.
Russell Wilson and Ciara: Sienna Princess
I don't know, call me crazy, but aren't only actual princesses allowed to be called "Princess?"
Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk: Lea De Seine Shayk Cooper
Relax, Bradley. Five names in one name is too many names.
Megan Hilty and Brian Gallagher: Ronan
If we're being, like, totally fair, Ronan is a pretty popular Irish name and kind of awesome.
Pharrell and Helen Lasichanh: Rocket
I wouldn't expect literally anything less from Pharrell than to name his child after something out of this world. GET IT?! IT'S A SPACE JOKE!
Armie Hammer & Elizabeth Chambers: Ford
If this family doesn't own a Ford car so they can say, "Ford, get in the Ford," then THEY CAN GET OUT.
AJ from Backstreet Boys and Rochelle McLean: Lyric
THERE HE IS! THAT'S THE AJ WE KNOW AND LOVE. Leave it to the "rebel in the group" to name his son, literally, Lyric. After, like...lyrics?
Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego: Zen
Zoe and Marco maybe didn't get the memo that just by assigning an adjective to your child doesn't necessarily make your child embody that adjective.
I know. It's a thinker.
Cheryl Cole and Liam Payne: Bear
I repeat: If it doesn't have an animal, food or intangible noun in it's name, then it's DEFINITELY not a celebrity baby.
If these aren't the wildest things you've ever heard, then call me Ostrich Plantain Consciousness -- OUT!