6 Reasons Why I'm Completely Obsessed With 'Scream Queens'
I wasn't always this way.
I didn't regularly avoid making plans so I could stay home and watch the next episode.
But now, that's all I do, and it's all because of FOX's "Scream Queens."
Where did it all start?
Well, first there was TLC's "Waterfalls" to kick off a 90s throwback in the pilot. There's nothing like jamming along, watching a bunch of underage kids drinking and partying.
But that was only the beginning.
Below, check out six reasons I can't get enough of this show.
PS: Some serious spoilers are involved if you're not caught up.
1. The Bathtub Baby
Holy crap. Who told you, you could have a baby here tonight? -- Mary Mulligan, Episode One, "Pilot"
Barely five minutes into the pilot, the ultimate mystery of the bathtub baby took me through a psychological loop.
These assh*le sisters turned the other way, let this girl have her child in a bathtub and returned to their party like she wasn't laying in a pool of her own blood.
Once it's revealed she's dead, what happened to the baby?
Who is the baby? Who is the dad? Did the dad know? What kind of sh*tty sorority is this?!
But seriously, who is the baby?
This mystery has me plotting and guessing with every character I'm introduced to.
2. The Chanels
Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today because a backstabbing little b*tch got exactly what was coming to her. -- Chanel Oberlin, Episode Seven, "Beware of Young Girls"
I can't be the only one who loves Chanel Oberlin; she is the capital B of bitch.
It's a whirlwind of emotions to watch her mistreat the other Chanels by constantly reminding them of their lower status to her.
I feel bad for the girls, yet (gasp1) I kind of agree and laugh in a twisted way. Oh, why do I enjoy watching it happen to Chanel #5 so much?
However, there is an undeniable bond between the Chanels.
Through blood and tears, they stick together to try and figure out who is trying to kill them.
They're all supportive of each other, even though they probably don't actually care about each other.
When it comes down to it, the more Chanels there are, the more people who can be sacrificed.
That's at least good for Chanel, of course.
3. Chad Radwell
Lactose intolerance afflicts around 50 percent of the human population who spend their entire lives walking past Baskin-Robbins knowing that if they even have a little bite of ice cream, they're going to fart a bunch. -- Chad Radwell, Episode Seven, "Beware of Young Girls"
Where do I begin here? Chad is the ultimate male character you can't help but love.
You hate him, yet you love him. He has the IQ of a shoe, yet you still adore him. He's such a pain in the neck to listen to, yet you're rooting for him.
His relationship with Chanel is superficially based, and his fetishes require you to be very open-minded. There's just something about Chad that makes you want to keep him around.
Despite the fact that he cheated on Chanel with, basically, everyone, I can't help but "aww" when he promises to be monogynous with Chanel.
Their twisted relationship is based on money and looks, yet I love them.
No matter how much I dislike Chad for bringing up his psychology major as a reason for others not understanding his views (which is never why we don't understand him).
I don't want him to be killed.
4. The Red Devil's Motive
Shondell, why you got a knife in your throat?! -- Denise, Episode Two, "Hell Week"
I'm constantly trying to piece together the motive behind the killings and who the killers are. I'm doing a terrible job, too.
The writers keep throwing me off my course.
One minute, I'm thinking Grace is the bathtub baby, the next I'm learning the truth behind who her mom is.
If Grace isn't the bathtub baby, there's no way she has the motive to kill the Kappas ... right?
But then again, is the bathtub baby even linked to the motive? Maybe a rejected Kappa pledge is seeking revenge? Does Grace's dad have a role? Does it involve Grace at ALL? Why did everyone believe Boone was Joaquin Phoenix?
People are dying and I'm nowhere near figuring out who's the Red Devil or what his or her motivation is.
However, it is starting to unravel with the unmasking of the bathtub babies.
5. The Kappas
I may be a stone cold bitch, but I love Kappa and I want it to survive these challenging times. -- Chanel, Episode Six, "Seven Minutes in Hell"
Though the Kappa Kappa Taus were under the rule of the superficial president, Chanel, with the new copresident system of Zayday and Chanel, the bond with the Kappas are getting stronger than ever.
Their personalities range from extreme candle lover to sane.
These are sisters who stand side by side in times of need, in order to survive.
Grace is the ultimate Nancy Drew, with her head focused on solving the killer's identity.
Zayday is a platform for strength and union.
Chanel #3 is like us, just trying to figure out her identity in college. Chanel #5 is the most pitiful but sane Chanel. Hester thinks like a serial killer, which could possibly lead to being steps ahead of the killer.
Finally, Chanel keeps the Kappas together because she has to remain popular, so the sorority will remain intact and she can use it for its proper purpose: making her popular enough to secure a hot, rich husband.
6. The Adults
"Wait, you think I have something to do with these murders now? Please Grace, you're making yourself crazy." -- Wes, Episode Eight, "Mommie Dearest"
Adults are usually the normal ones, right?
NOPE. Not in this show.
These girls should be able to rely on these adult figures but instead they're either completely mysterious or useless.
Dean Munsch definitely knows more about Kappa's history than she leads on.
Gigi is working with the Red Devils, so what is the story there?
Wes is starting to show his true colors of being a low-key horror fanatic with a dark personality.
Denise is just ... I don't even know how to explain her.
Meanwhile, Detective Chisolm is just useless and so painful to watch.
There are definitely some gaps that need to be filled here with the suspicious adult figures. With each episode, I'm learning more and more about their backgrounds and their roles.
It's safe to say, I'm obsessively addicted to "Scream Queens" because of the characters and the mysteries of each one. With such unique personalities and backgrounds, I'm anxiously waiting for new clues and new snide comments from Chanel.
Also, I just really want to know how Chanel has such an incredible closet and how I can get it.