16 Beatles Lyrics That Could Have Been Written By Pretentious Millennials

by Eitan Levine

Happy Birthday, Ringo Starr! You truly were the original terrible Millennial.

Let me just go on record saying I really do like The Beatles. I think that's a pretty safe remark to make as they are arguably the most famous and culturally significant band of all time. Saying you like The Beatles is like loudly proclaiming, “CARS ARE A GREAT WAY TO TRAVEL! PLANES ARE A GREAT WAY TO TRAVEL FAR! THESE ARE MY BELIEFS!”

And there's a good reason for all of this! Their music is amazing. It's dynamic, catchy and has the rare quality of being as good as you remember it was. It's not overhyped in your memory, unlike certain athletes who you remember being gods or childhood books you remember sounding like Shakespeare. Their songs are the audio gems you remember them to be.

So yeah, The Beatles made some amazing songs in their time.

They also wrote some absolute horseshit lyrics. Actually, more accurately, they mostly sang horseshit lyrics with the occasional non-cringeworthy line thrown in here or there.


This is how bad they were at writing lyrics: Bono sang one of their songs in "Across The Universe" and it made me hate him MORE (which I thought was impossible to do).

Don't believe me? OK, do me a favor. Take your favorite quote from any Beatles song. Now, imagine that quote superimposed onto the picture of an empty mason jar with an Instagram filter.

Yeah, pretty shitty, huh?

The Beatles were the original awful, annoying, entitled, preachy, holier-than-thou, long-winded-ranters-about-the-rebirth-of-society Millenials. They must have been miserable at parties and I'm sure they would make you want to blow your brains out if you had to take a long car ride with them.

Thank GOD they weren't around during the Facebook era. If you think Kanye is annoying, just imagine what it would've been like if John Lennon had a Twitter account.

In honor of Ringo Starr's 76th birthday, I think we should all take a second to acknowledge how terrible some Beatles lyrics are. So I compiled a list of the 16 WORST Beatles lyrics out there, all of which could have easily been written by AWFUL Millenials. If you saw any of these lyrics written as an original Facebook status, you'd stand up and yell, "DAFUQ YOU TALKING ABOUT HERE, DIANNE?!?!?!"


1. "I am he as you are he as you are me/ And we are all together" ("I am The Walrus")


2. "Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be/ You know there's gonna be an answer, let it be” ("Let it Be")


3. "For the benefit of Mr. Kite/ There will be a show tonight on trampoline" ("Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!")


4. "They say it's your birthday/ It's my birthday too, yeah/ They say it's your birthday/ We're gonna have a good time/ I'm glad it's your birthday/ Happy birthday to you" ("Birthday")


5. "Obla di obla da life goes on bra" ("Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da")


6. "Michelle, ma belle/ These are words that go together well/ My Michelle" ("Michelle")


7. "You like me too much and I like you" ("You Like me Too Much")


8. "It's been a hard day's night, and I'd been working like a dog/ It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log" ("Hard Days Night")


9. "She's got a ticket to ride / But she don't care" ("Ticket to Ride")


10. "That the singer's going to sing a song / And he wants you all to sing along" ("Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band")


11. "Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four?" ("When I'm Sixty-Four")


12. "If you've got trouble / Then you got less trouble than me / You say you're worried / You can't be as worried as me" ("If You've Got Trouble")


13. "Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number" ("Revolution 9")

14. *The time George Harrison just fucked around with a Moog Synthesizer for 45 minutes*


15. "Ain't been 'round since you know when / Christmas time is here again/ O U T spells out" ("Christmas Time")


16. "She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah" ("She Loves You")