Ever wondered why it's difficult to end a toxic relationship?
Why is it your friends stay with men or women who treat their luxury watches and Chanel bags better than the loves of their lives?
I wondered this for years myself, and I have noticed when people say they ended relationships, they actually rarely do.
“We are finished, and this time I mean it. I never want to hear from you again.”
Countless times, we have heard this conversation carried out or told to us by family or friends, or we've read about it on social media.
I've pinpointed a few solutions to three moments that say everything but, “We are finished with this relationship.”
1. You keep answering the “What Are You Doing?” and “I Am Thinking About You” texts.
Don’t allow someone to loiter in the hallways of your life any longer.
If you will work it out, then work it out. If not, then tell him or her to flee from your life.
As a man, I can tell you I am a former master manipulator.
I have witnessed women reach the edge of being over their exes, when suddenly, they reach out via text, photo or by flooding your timeline with likes.
This is the point where love addiction can take hold of you.
Men can give just enough love, then leave you emotionally high and return to your iMessages or DMs just as you approach emotional wholeness.
You can fight back by deleting every avenue for him to contact you, verbally demanding you have no more interactions or filling your time with people who acknowledge your worthiness.
This used to drive me crazy initially, but over time, we as men understood the point.
2. Your Facebook status says, “It’s Complicated.”
Truth be told, love — and commitment — should never be complicated.
Be honest with yourself, and admit nothing has changed since you first approached the subject of cutting things off.
Have an “A or B” approach to resolving the status of your dating life.
A) We compromise and decide to grow together, while being willing to admit faults and failures from both parties.
You just may be able to solve the “complicated” status in your heart and on social media.
Odds are since you have given each other space or needed a break, something in the relationship is fractured, and one or more parties may resist going further.
If that is the case, look at the nuclear option of Plan B.
B) Let the Lord watch between me and thee, when we're absent one from another.
Your time and love is precious, and neither deserves to be wasted.
When someone can’t see the wrongdoing in his or her actions, the person will drag you into the same arguments over and over again.
Change that Facebook status to Single, Engaged or Married because no relationship should be complicated.
3. The person is still in your bed.
The next time you make up your bed in the morning, place only one pillow on the bed. This will serve as the beginning of obtaining clarity over your love status.
Sex is an action that ties up the emotions of the strongest humans.
Getting a 2-year-old out of your bed is tough, but getting the man, the protection or the affection out of your bed can be strenuous on the heart.
My suggestion is to stop taking phone calls after 9 pm from the desired party, and no in-person visits after 7 pm.
Don’t fool yourself into believing you are stronger than you are because you listened to "Run The World (Girls)" by Beyoncé during the week.
Your emotions will run you until you commit to a healthier sexual and mental lifestyle.
Be careful not to sleep with the enemy and miss out on your opportunity to connect with the person you belong to.
Sex can never replace the peace of mind you will have by choosing to lose the loser.
In the case your desire to hold on proves to be worth it, communicate the failures of your relationship openly.
We can become blinded by good times and resist stirring up prior moments of pain.
Do the real work to ensure the love you are investing in is being deposited into someone who sees your stock as a couple on the rise.
If that fails, you can always sell and be happy with the riches of peace of mind.