Accept The Truth: Why You'll Never Be Able To (And Shouldn't Want To) Change A Man


If you’re trying to change any man in particular, I recommend saving your time, breath or whatever other resource you’re ready to invest – and giving up.

As much as I hate being the bearer of bad news, I assure you, it’s just not going to happen.

Let me rephrase that: It’s extremely, extremely, rare.

Why? Simple. Men are stubborn. Think back to your days in the backseat of your parents' car. It really didn't matter how many times mom told dad to pull over and ask for directions, he'd sooner find himself in Guam.

Men also rarely like leaving their comfort zones. Ultimately, if a man’s particular “comfort zone” is what’s compromising the fulfillment of your relationship with him, although making him change may work in the short-term – rarely will it be a sustainable fix.

My mom would always threaten to ground me, or limit my weekly XBOX quota, if I didn't keep my room clean.

I'd listen, and tidy up my room, and that would last for all of about three days before my bedroom floor was once again pool of laundry. I guess you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Whether it be smoking cigarettes, watching too many sports or spending too much time with his boys for that matter, there are bound to be aspects of your significant other’s lifestyle that you don’t see eye-to-eye with. I promise you, your side of the fence is not all roses.

And that’s cool. In fact, if you ask me, it’s ideal. If you want to date someone you see eye-to-eye with on every matter, you can just forgo “dating” altogether.

Ultimately, if you want to make it work, it’ll be your own responsibility to try and find a happy medium. And if you can’t? Maybe it’s time to find someone you don’t clash with as much.

Before you look to change a man, try accepting him for who he is. Certain stuff, the little stuff, you might be able to fix.

Things like eating dinner at a certain time or having him loosen up around your parents. Others, the bigger types of things, are probably out of your hands.

The only thing men hate more than changing is feeling as though they’ve been changed. This is why communication is everything.

Tell them how you feel, first, and see what happens. Chances are, if a guy really likes you, he’ll change on his own. If he knows you’re unhappy with something, and chooses to turn the other way, then you should see the writing on the wall.

Understand, simply “changing” isn’t always easy. Especially when someone is just being himself.

Habits are hard to break, especially without any real self-motivation on his end, and personality traits are almost impossible to revise – and these are what make people unique.

Changing is difficult. Changing for one person is next to impossible. Remember when you try to "revise" someone you care about, you're not the only one living with the consequences.

Although you may not enjoy the fact that your boyfriend doesn't tolerate Justin Timberlake – I'm sure his buddies don't mind when they're hanging out.

Guys will have a life before you, and most likely – unless you're ready for a ring – a life after you, too. Unless you have intentions to start a family with that man, don't try to change who he is for your own personal purposes.

And if you do find a guy who’s very easily changeable, that’s an issue in and of itself. Being stubborn isn’t always bad, especially when it comes to values.

When you stand firmly by something, whether it be a belief or type of behavior, it displays a magnitude of boldness. If a man is loyal to the New York METS – although, in your eyes, he’s obsessed – chances are, he’ll be loyal to you, too.

If you can sway a man to do something easily, don’t be surprised when others do, too.

Although this might be a good thing with matters related to yourself, you don’t want to attach yourself to someone who may be weak-willed or vulnerable to temptation.

Both of those qualities, especially in a man, are a lot worse than whatever it could be that you’re looking to change.

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