So, you went on yet ANOTHER horrible first date last night.
This time, his name was Johnny. He cancelled on you FIVE times before finally committing to this Tuesday night drinks date, and he spent literally the entire night on his phone texting a number saved as "DO NOT TEXT — SHE IS AN EVIL HEARTBREAKER."
You're going to go ahead and assume "DO NOT TEXT — SHE IS AN EVIL HEARTBREAKER" might be his ex. Just, you know, a shot in the dark.
Then, "DO NOT TEXT — SHE IS AN EVIL HEARTBREAKER" started calling. So, naturally, he left... without paying.
But don't worry, my friend. There is a silver lining to this cloud.
As awful as your date with Johnny was, people all over the country are actually having dates way worse. No, seriously.
Jimmy Fallon recently asked people to tweet their worst first date stories with the hashtag #WorstFirstDate, so they could be featured on his show.
Here was Jimmy's tweet:
Hashtag game! Tweet something funny, weird, or embarrassing that happened to you on a first date with #WorstFirstDate. Could be on the show! — jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) July 27, 2016
And boy, did people deliver. Don't believe me?
Take a little scroll for yourself here:
When you go on a date with a drug dealer.
He had to make a few stops before dinner. After a couple I realized he was selling drugs to pay for our date @FallonTonight#WORSTFIRSTDATE — Beth Woodcock (@CdnDltn03) August 3, 2016
When you get the most backhanded compliment ever.
I was a news reporter on local tv. Guy asked me out. His first words when we met: "You're not that fat in real life" #WorstFirstDate — Pia Valentin (@pia_valentin_s) August 3, 2016
When you just can't hold it in.
Accidentally pooped my pants, told her I had to use the restroom and never came back. #WorstFirstDate — Ryan Holloway (@ryan_holloway) August 2, 2016
When his ride is not quite ideal.
" #WorstFirstDate — Jordin's Paradise (@JordinsParadise) August 1, 2016
When your mom gets involved.
@jimmyfallon my mom and I went out to dinner and she surprised me with a blind date. We ate dinner together. The 3 of us. #WorstFirstDate — JanayMcDonaldWilborn (@janaymcwilborn) July 27, 2016
When your flirting goes terribly wrong.
I was trying to flirt with my date, so I told her she spilled some ice cream on her chin. Turns out it was a zit. #WorstFirstDate — Stuart Edge (@stuart_edge) July 27, 2016
When you don't stand a chance right off the bat.
My mom dropped me off at the movie in her cop car. Then she lied and said "when she gets nervous she smells like meatloaf" #WorstFirstDate — Amanda (@AmandaMHudson) July 27, 2016
When you meet his girlfriend.
I thought it was a date but he introduced me as his friend to his girlfriend... #WorstFirstDate — Selena Gomez (@shotsmebieber) July 27, 2016
When you throw up.
I threw up after he kissed me goodnight because I was so nervous. #WorstFirstDate — savannahbel leigh (@sanannahleigh) July 27, 2016
When he's the inventor of his own art form.
Scared to re-enter Denver again after having bad dating experience w/ man in late 30's who made "adult poop dance" a thing. #worstfirstdate — Mandi Ward (@Mamzypop) July 15, 2016
When she literally can't speak to you.
#worstfirstdate She was so quiet that when I gave her my jacket b/c it was cold, she texted me "thank you." Other couple will confirm it. — Ryan Mauro (@RyanMauro) July 10, 2016
When he is just the absolute cheapest.
#WorstFirstDate Guy asked me to meet him at the movies. Found out it was a $1 movie. Got to the booth to buy tickets, he says "One please". — Amy Myrick (@AmyMyrick) June 29, 2016
When he's a coward AND a player.
Dude took me to a haunted house. I fell & he left me because he we scared. When I found him he was asking someone else out. #worstfirstdate — John Higgins (@JohnHiggsMusic) June 29, 2016
When he is not so family-oriented.
#WorstFirstDate Had dinner with a guy who spent the night talking about how he was glad his grandmother was finaly dead. #SerialKiller — Travis Suggs (@TheDailyGoat) June 27, 2016
When he was featured on "True Life."
He made me watch his True Life episode. He was a proud gambling addict. #worstfirstdate — Regan (@TheHairGangster) June 20, 2016
When he doesn't love the fact you won't have sex with him.
#worstfirstdate A guy is pushy about having sex so I tell him not yet. He says "I hate it when girls are selective about who they fuck." — Aylin Vega (@themodernwhore) June 19, 2016
When he tells you to "work on" your nervous habit.
#worstFirstDate he told me I talk too much, I embarrassingly said I tend to do that when I'm nervous. He said “well you should work on that” — Maryam Alogaidi (@Mannouma) August 3, 2016
Yeah, so no matter how bad your date was, it could always be worse.