B. Harvey

Why Women Should Not Be Ignored Once They Get Engaged

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I'd like to think I'm of average attractiveness. I'm going work my dad's terrible nose that he passed down to me — and my chipmunk cheeks — in the fiercest way possible.

Slay girl, slay! Beyoncé ain't got nothin' on me.

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Every once in a blue moon, guys would crack a smile at me in the Starbucks line and flirt. Then, I got engaged and BAM — I'm invisible.

Now, because I'm engaged, I don't necessarily like it when another man flirts with me. When he does, I feel like shoving my hand in front of his face, saying, "Here's my rock, dude, look."

But, I don't ever get that opportunity because I have weltered away from all potential conversation, door-holding and just common decency when my ring comes into view.

I'm just a fiancée, not a person. Thanks for the weird, backward thinking, society.

Now, I've been engaged for about a year, so I'm kind of used to being invisible around the opposite sex. But, my best friend — who has been engaged for two weeks — and I saw firsthand how incredibly awkward men act when they're around a woman who is about to say "I do."

Let me set the scene for you.

My friend — who is totally gorgeous by the way — and I go out to dinner. On a typical night, the waiter flirts with her, brings over complimentary wine samples and takes her order first.

But on this particular night, her ring was in full focus. He didn't offer any special treatment. We were regular customers, which is fine, but it got me thinking: Are all men really just motivated to be nice because of sex?

I saw first and foremost how incredibly awkward men act when they're around a woman who is about to say "I do."
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How come eliciting a smile is considered to be too much effort when men pass someone who is engaged? Does showing your teeth make you uncomfortable because you know I won't go back home with you from the bar? It's a decent, human thing to smile. So, why in the hell are you choosing not to do it?

Do you really view women as physical objects? Because I'm engaged, does that mean I don't have work stories, aspirations or a sense of humor as dry as that bottle of red I'm chugging back?

Why do men suddenly stop treating me like an actual person just because I have a ring on my finger? It doesn't make any sense.

If a man wears a wedding ring, chances are a woman finds him more appealing. Will she act on it? Most likely, no. But that doesn't stop a woman from sending a cherry smile when he makes an awkward eye glance from across the room. It doesn't stop a woman from speaking up and saying the new smoked butterscotch latte is so good when the guy in front of her asks the barista what it's like.

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Why do men suddenly stop treating me like an actual person just because I have a ring on my finger? It doesn't make any sense.

Conversation is conversation, and why does flirting have to be the basis for initiating it? If women can experience so rapidly how differently they're treated when they get engaged, it just goes to show they live in a double-standard society.

No, I don't want you to flirt with me when I'm marrying someone else. But, I don't want to be ignored completely. I'm defined by who I am, and who I love, not by the piece of silver wrapped around my finger.

I'm defined by who I am, and who I love, not by the piece of silver wrapped around my finger.