Every week for my column, "Boom, Ghosted," I read through dozens of stories from the point of view of the person who was ghosted.
One thing always seems to be consistent: The person who was ghosted just wants to know why.
I obviously can't track down the person who ghosted you and demand an answer for you, but I CAN poll men and women to see why they've ghosted people in the past.
A few weeks ago, I asked men why they ghosted, and they gave some pretty open and honest answers. Today, after popular demand, I've asked the LADIEZ to do the same.
Read along and hopefully you'll find some closure.
She just wasn't into it.
Just wasn't feeling it. I hooked up with this guy when I was on a trip, and I was likely not going to see him again. He kept trying to hold my hand the next day and that kinda weirded me out. Fast forward a year and he is still constantly texting and Snapchatting me, and sometimes I occasionally respond. I never got why guys ghosted me in the past, but now I kinda get it. Sometimes you just aren't feelin' it.
— Megan*, 24
I didn't really like the guy. He was way too intense and douchy at the same time. I felt he was pushing me too hard so I stopped answering his texts after the fourth date.
— Jan, 33
Anything more than ghosting seemed weird.
They were making her mad.
They were pissing me off
— Tara, 39
She's a seasoned ghoster.
Unfortunately, yes. Quite a few in my early to mid 20's. Two were because they were too aggressive with their approach. Example: If I missed a call from him, he'd call back before I returned his first call. One guy called my work (he looked up the number and went through the receptionist to contact me!) when I didn't return his call! Mind you... I met him on a Saturday night. He called my job on Monday! WTF!? Nope! You get no return call or message. I gave him the "send to voicemail" immediately, lose my number treatment.
Another time was because I got back together with my ex. We had been talking for awhile, and I didn't have the nerve to tell him. He was such a nice guy. I still feel bad when I think about it.
Also, I was talking/hanging out with a guy and regretfully hooked up with him. It was bad. I didn't feel any type of connection and lost all attraction toward him. He would call and message, and I just never responded. The bad part is that I saw him a few times while I was out partying with my friends. Like we were in the same place — not just a walk by sort of thing. I literally acted like I didn't know him, and when he would try to get my attention... I refused to make eye contact. Never felt bad for some reason.
— Bianca*, 34
A booty call will get you ghosted in her book.
Either we went out and, like, I really wasn't into it, or I gave someone random my number and realized I never wanted to talk to them again. Or they kept texting me and being annoying. Or they booty called me.
— Dani, 24
He was too persistent.
He was really creeping me out. Wouldn't take no for an answer. So I stopped replying to him.
— Mimi, 30
I had met this guy on Match.com and went on a few dates with him. Things were going alright. He was nice enough, and we had some things in common. One night, probably the third or fourth time he came over to my apartment. He didn't even text me when he got to my place or knock on the door. He just walked right in — a bit of a red flag because I did not feel we were at all on that level yet. I still didn't even know him that well, it was all still super new. Flash forward about a week, he wanted to hang out one night and just wasn't taking no for an answer. I was planning on grabbing food with my friends and playing trivia at a local bar, and he kept just inviting himself, even though I would tell him it was just us girls that were going.
Eventually, I stopped answering his texts asking what time we were going, though he was still texting me,"I'm gonna leave in a few minutes," and "I'll meet you either at the bar or at your apartment," just let me know where. I didn't answer him. After a little while, I was in my bedroom and heard his footsteps coming up the stairs to my apartment door, AND HEARD HIM TRYING TO OPEN THE FRONT DOOR. It was locked because I was half wondering if he was really persistent/crazy enough to actually show up even though I hadn't answered any of his texts for the last 2 hours AND DIDN'T INVITE HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. Ghosted him a day or two after that night... I felt slightly bad about it, but I also just didn't think we were even in a place yet where I needed to explain myself, and I also was super creeped out by him just showing up at my apartment uninvited.
— Cassie, 26
He liked football too much.
He took me to a sports bar on our fourth or fifth date for a football game and told me to "shhhh" or "one second" during the game several times... then told me what a great time he had afterward. I barely spoke!
— Ally, 24
He didn't like football enough.
I was watching football with a guy I had been seeing for few months and his friends. He didn't know what a field goal was and completely disinterested in the game. I made an excuse to leave during the game and never texted or called him back again.
— Annie*, 25
I know it's not as useful as a direct explanation from someone who ghosted you, but hopefully these will help you get some semblance of closure.
*Names have been changed.