The other day, my male friend took a girl he really liked out for a first date. Like a lot of people our age, they met on Tinder.
But it wasn’t one of those autopilot dates we force ourselves to go on a couple times a week for a shot at getting some nookie and maybe a free meal. No, this was different. This was one of those rare dates that you get excited about. They had crazy-good text chemistry, and it was obvious both of them were looking for something a little more serious than a casual hookup.
Things were looking good for my friend.
As anyone who’s been on any sort of Tinder date ever knows that getting ready to go for that first initial date is TERRIFYING. You’ve spent the past week talking to someone nonstop and cultivating a deep intimacy, only to realize just moments before getting out of the cab for that first date that the person is really nothing more than a complete stranger.
Who’s to say that all of that crazy-good text chemistry is going to translate into real life? My personal experience shows that it rarely does.
But my friend got lucky. His chemistry with this special girl translated. Their casual drinks turned into dinner that turned into dessert that turned into walking around the city for hours just talking about life. They had one of those rare, shooting-star first dates, where you both just know you’re feeling it. One of those dates where you feel like time and space are standing still, and it’s just the two of you in this bar and this restaurant and this sidewalk.
So, needless to say, my friend liked this girl a lot.
He walked her all the way to her front door at the end of the night, like any nice young gentleman would, only to have her kiss him on the cheek and rush inside.
He called me the next day, panicked: “A KISS ON THE CHEEK! THAT’S IT!!! A KISS ON THE CHEEK!! If that’s not being friend-zoned, I don’t know what is. I just thought we had such a great night … I don’t understand how I could have misinterpreted this all so much!”
I was confused. “Well, wait. What makes you think she didn’t like you?”
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! She didn’t even invite me inside!”
And then I got it. My poor, stupid idiot of a friend. He didn’t understand. The girl didn’t invite him inside that night because she liked him.
(Let me be very clear about this: Even if a woman likes you, she may not want to sleep with you, and that is her decision. Do not for any reason try to convince her otherwise. "No" never means "yes." "I'm not sure" also means "no." Basically, unless she says "yes," it's "no.")
Before you doubt my infinite wisdom, let the record show that I was right. It’s been four months since that first date and the two lovebirds are still seeing each other, and I think we can all say with confidence that she likes him. She likes him a lot.
And that wasn’t some fluke situation. No, those two weren’t the exception. They are the rule. What’s the rule, you ask? The rule is simple. It states: if a girl likes you, she’s not going to have sex on the first date.
Of course, like with any rule, there are some exceptions here and there. But for the most part, that’s the name of the game. However, what is common sense in girl world I have just recently learned is a completely foreign concept to the straight male brain.
And hey, it's even counter-intuitive to some of us. If you like someone, you sleep with that person, right? WRONG.
So I’m going to go ahead and go against girl code or whatever to clear this up once and for all.
The way I see it, it all started with that one phrase adults tell us when we're growing up: “Why buy the cow when you could get the milk for free?” In other words, why date a girl if you can f*ck her with no strings attached? Girls are taught this from a young age. Like a super-young age.
And then we went to school, and our teachers and the girls in our classes who managed to snag the coolest boys in the school reinforced it.
Girls are taught early on that sex is our weapon in the dating game. The longer you hold out on having sex, the more he works for you and the more he respects you. I’m not saying this is true, because honestly I have no idea. But somewhere in the back of many girls' brains, there’s the voice of some maternal figure or friend telling her that the only way to get the guy she wants is to hold out on sex for as long as she can.
Sometimes we don’t give a sh*t about the guy we just went on a date with. THAT'S the guy we sleep with. We let him have the milk for free because we like any horny guy; we just want to get some. We are not considering this buyer for the cow.
But then, every once in a while, we come across a guy we really do like. And I’m a firm believer that everyone goes a little batsh*t when they like someone. So we go on a first date, and we really like the guy, and our brains go a little nuts trying to figure out ways to make sure this lasts, to make sure we get a call the next day, to make sure this turns into something more than just a really good first date.
But the problem is that dating is not a science. There’s no surefire way to get the guy. So our brains default to the one thing we’ve known to be true since we were little girls: Don’t sleep with him! Make him work for it! Keep the chase going!
It’s the safest bet we can make in a game where there are no safe bets at all. We won’t sleep with you so MAYBE our chance of getting that next day call will go up by even just 1 percent. We like you too much to sleep with you. It really is just as counterintuitive and weird as it sounds, but it’s the truth.
So, next time a girl isn’t putting out after your fantastic first date, read this and chill the f*ck out—it could very well just mean that she LIKES you.