Why I Will Forever Date Assh*les

By

Ah, the million-dollar question that plagues males and females alike: Why do girls always fall in love with assh*les?

The douchebags of the world often have little trouble securing hookups and relationships while the rest of us are left to wonder when and how they became masters of voodoo magic (that's how they get the girls, right?).

Can't these women see that the men are crappy people? Don't they realize that men are temporary? That their affections are fleeting? These are the questions that my friends have asked me, at least.

Whether it's the cookie-cutter, self-absorbed "bad boy" or the brooding, moody poet you just want to save, many females have encountered and dated a jerk. These men can take any form. They come into your life like a tornado, leaving nothing but emotional destruction and debris in the wake.

However, the thing about the assh*le is that he's enthralling.

When you're involved with this kind of person, you're constantly on your toes. There's no stagnation or boredom because it feels like you're constantly on an emotional roller coaster. These guys can make you feel ecstatic, miserable and insane simultaneously. They're unpredictable.

We know this. We can spot these kinds of creatures from a mile away. But, despite all we know of them and their behaviors, it's not enough to keep us away. Why is this, really?

While most musings on the subject refer to "daddy issues" and a deep-rooted sense of masochistic behavior, there's a lot more to it than just that.

It's the qualities that these men possess and display that attract us gals. It's science. The root of our attraction to anyone lies in the qualities we value in relation to reproduction. That's right, people.

According to Darwin, we select our partners based on whom we think will contribute the best genes for our future rugrats. So, is it really terrible that girls tend to have a thing for assh*les, who are often attractive, strong, secure and brave?

Often, the "nice guys" come across as more feminine. They're more emotional and sensitive, too willing to please us and less confident than their jerk counterparts. The nice guys finish last because they aren't as strong as the other contenders. Sometimes, they're not even in the race.

Before the hatred starts to pour in, please note that in no way am I saying that it is excusable for a man to treat a woman badly. There is a serious difference between a jerk and a man who is abusive in any way.

The kind of man to which I refer is the uber-confident Adonis leaning up against the bar, eyeing his prospects. It's the ex you dated for too long because without him, you imagined life would be a huge drag.

Here's why I always have and always will date assh*les:

Assh*les are exciting.

This is not the kind of man who is content with spending the weekend watching Netflix in sweats. You never know what you'll get and that's what makes the whole thing appealing; there’s no risk of slipping into a mind-numbingly boring routine.

They're always game for anything. They're passionate and driven and refuse to take no for an answer. Whatever he may throw your way, you can be sure of one thing: It won't be dull.

Assh*les are self-assured.

There's a thin line between being self-assured and being conceited and these men teeter dangerously along it. Regardless of physical appearance, this kind of man often exudes an air of sex appeal.

They're confident in themselves and not afraid to show it. Your friends and family may not see it, but it's part of the reason why you disregard the fact that he drives you to tear out your hair.

Something about his presence and attitude draws you in like a magnet. Confidence is the ultimate weapon in his arsenal.

Assh*les are bold.

What's sexier than a man who knows what he wants and goes after it? The answer is, not much. The assh*le’s boldness reflects in the way he woos you. He's not afraid to make the first move.

This characteristic reflects not only in his romantic conquests, but in all aspects of his life. He's likely career driven, secure and sure of his goals. This isn't his first rodeo; he knows his way around. Giddy up.

Assh*les are indifferent.

Whether you're able to admit it to yourself or not, every person loves the chase. At some point, our brains went haywire and we started to believe that indifference was attractive.

In order to spare yourself unnecessary agony, please note that there is a distinguishable difference between this and blatant disregard. The assh*le's indifference fans the flames of attraction. He poses a challenge and you want to win. It's as simple as that.

Maybe you agree with the notes above; maybe you don't. Perhaps I'm just alone in my admiration of every single guy who is completely wrong for me. Either way, these men will cross your path if they haven't already.

Make note of the above characteristics and buckle up.

Photo via We Heart It