Getting a match on a dating app is a pretty simple process.
First, there's an arbitary-ish swipe left or right signaling "I could get down with that" or "Nah, I'm good." Ideally, the next step involves some auto-gratification; it's a match! Finally, some messaging back and forth, a little bit of flirting, and maybe even a real life date takes place.
But what if he never messages you? Why would he match you, but not message you?!
Well, duh: He got busy. He didn't turn his notifications on. Or, if you have an overactive imagination like mine, it's because he's just swiping right on literally every woman, and he doesn't think I'm attractive and everything is awful.
When dating apps were first around, I felt popular AF. Now, I feel like my matches outweigh my messages 4:1.
Rather than spiral into some self-loathing ridiculousness next time you match with a cutie, here's some intel from the culprits themselves as to why guys do not talk to you after matching with you.
Sometimes, guys can want to be super straightforward (and basically confirm my worst fears).
Men are honest creatures, especially through the mask of the internet. Some dudes might swipe right on you, but they also may want nothing to do with you.
Some guys are just playing around with numbers to maximize their chance of dating success.
Ouch, but actually - same.
Then again, guys can be insecure on dating apps, too.
Some men were pretty open and honest about the loneliness that comes with perusing around on dating apps.
Some have just lost faith in dating apps completely.
That honesty though. My heart hurts.
Often, it's about convenience and timing.
Timing is key, just like dating IRL. I love how to the point and utilitarian this guy's point feels.
Talking to multiple people at once can be difficult.
Some guys like to prioritize based on what's most appealing at the moment.
But let's be real: Some men judge a lot based on looks.
I know, it's tempting to let this depress the F out of you, but it's not all men.
When you really think about it, pictures are the most prominent components of most dating app profiles. It's inevitable that we're all going to be prioritizing how attractive someone is based on their photos when swiping.
And let's be real: Forgetting to send a message is a real thing.
Some guys swipe through dating apps the same way they swipe through Instagram stories: curious and with no commitment.
Plus, when's the last time you missed out on doing something?
I have not responded to approximately 28 messages this week, including a text from a guy I matched with on Hinge asking me out for drinks this week.
That was on Sunday. Today is Wednesday. It's not a great look, clearly.
And messaging first? I could match with a Stanford grad with a face like all-star zaddy Idris Elba, and I'd forget to message him because I got slaving over my desk at work.
So if you don't get that immediate message from a guy, don't despair. It's nothing to get worked up about.
You'll never truly know if it was what you looked like, if the profile is months old and inactive, or if he simply just... forgot.
Just move onto the next one... or if you really care, you could always message him.