The other day, one of my girlfriends and I were having a conversation about how effective it is when women ask men on dates.
Why do so many men seem to shy away or not return phone calls or texts when women ask them out?
When we thought back on our own experiences and other instances when women were the initiators, it became clear to us men just do the same things women do when they get asked out: say no or don’t return texts or calls.
This isn't because men can’t handle it when women ask them out, it’s that no one likes hurting another person’s feelings.
No matter who you are, not everyone wants to go out with you, and that’s okay!
At least you now know, and you don’t have to spend more time trying to decode the other person’s signals (or lack thereof).
Rejection sucks, but it can actually be empowering to be on the other side of dating (i.e. doing the asking).
Why? Because there is a higher likelihood of going out with the person you want to be with, not just the ones who asked you.
Experiencing rejection can also make you stronger. Hearing “no” saves you time, teaches you how to ask directly for what you want, makes you more resilient and allows you to move on quicker.
Ultimately, you eliminate distractions and put yourself in a place where you can find your person.
As more of us sign up for online dating, the ratio of male-to-female initiation needs to shift.
Right now, aside from poor grammar and a lack of content in messages, the number one gripe women have when it comes to online dating is that their inboxes become filled with generic copy-and-paste messages from men in whom they’re just not that interested.
On the other hand, one of the major issues men have with online dating — beyond not getting dates — is the number of messages they have to send in order to engage in conversation.
It’s a war of attrition. The solution? Make a dating app that lets women choose.
Of course, this app would cater toward heterosexual couples, yet it would transform the way men and women approach each other.
A Nielsen survey from 2014 found that men are twice as likely as women to use social media for dating (13 percent for men versus 7 percent for women), but they are half as likely as women to ask for assistance in creating or reviewing their profiles.
It’s not a coincidence women spend more time on their profiles, as they are the ones being pursued.
The main reason why young men use apps like Tinder (which uses GPS technology) is because there’s less to lose with regard to time and money spent in order to meet someone.
However, the amount of rejection is about the same as other dating sites.
If women had to make the first move, rejection for men would drop to zero, and they’d probably spend more time growing their beards (please don’t) and working on their profiles to make them more representative and interesting.
It could be argued men would then embellish their profiles in different ways to make themselves more appealing, but the people who are going to misrepresent themselves will do it no matter what dating site they’re using.
The point of having a new structure like this would be to allow women to have more control over the online dating process and not be so overwhelmed with random and aimless attempts.
Plus, it would open up the opportunity for men to focus on stimulating discussion because they know there is already some level of attraction to build upon.
People are just getting busier, and they have less time and patience to go out of their ways to meet someone who may or may not be a good fit.
Women especially are looking for middle ground in the dating arena.
As attitudes become more positive toward online dating, there will need to be a greater variety of ways for people to meet and connect with each other.
If only women were allowed to initiate first contact, it would change the entire dating game. But the big question is, would anyone use an app like that?
Are women willing to write the first message, and are men willing to receive it? Perhaps an app like that would be asking too much...
It’s kind of amusing when you realize men also get shy when they’re put on the spot. Then, you realize we’re all just people trying to put ourselves out there and connect in the best way we know how.
Taking chances, no matter how big or small, takes courage, but it often gets easier with practice.
I’ll leave my fellow women with this thought: Good things don't necessarily come to those who wait, good things come to those who want something so much they can't wait.
To get what you want, you’ve got to go out there and get it!
You may get your feelings hurt and hit a few bumps on the road along the way, but you’ll end up with a man who thinks it’s sexy when a woman takes risks.
And who doesn’t want that?