I Want To Date A Nice Guy, Just Not Now
I'm finally owning up to a seemingly nonsensical truth about myself: I'm a 25-year-old woman, and I still favor guys who don't prioritize me.
I seem to always choose them over the nice guys who would better suit me in a relationship.
But, these guys aren't exactly the typical "bad boy" characters you see in movies and on (not so) reality TV. They aren't heartless womanizers, and they aren't disrespectful. They're usually pretty honest and straightforward.
What differentiates this kind of guy from what we'd label a "nice guy" is his lack off interest and effort.
Let's say he tries to keep his liking for me at a bare minimum. He enjoys being single and focusing on himself, and he views me as someone who's doing the same.
I like knowing a guy is not overly consumed with me.
As a matter of fact, he's not worried too much about me at all.
After we hang out, a simple text asking, "Did you get home safe?" will suffice. I don't want a phone call, and it's unnecessary to immediately schedule another date.
Actually, make me wait a couple days before even mentioning us seeing each other again.
The nice guys who put forth an immense amount of effort honestly scare me.
I'd rather get to know a guy who isn't necessarily looking for a girlfriend, rather than spend time with one who is.
Just hear me out.
A lot of guys feel too much pressure when they get to know a woman who's actively looking and ready for a committed relationship.
Why isn't it OK for a woman to feel overly pressured as well?
I once went on a handful of dates with a guy who I'd catch gazing at me while I told silly stories about my childhood obsession with caterpillars.
His eyes locked in on me as if I was the only woman he'd ever laid eyes on. Sure, it was sweet, but my God did it push me away.
I could tell he had pure intentions and was genuinely interested in me, but it was too intense.
I recently had a guy I was casually seeing tell me he didn't think I'd be interested if he showed me how much he really liked me. And you know what, he was right.
Let's say I meet three guys on a Saturday and give each one my number.
Guy number one texts me Sunday morning, initiates small talk to get to know me and proceeds to engage in conversation throughout the week. He also asks, "When can I see you again?"
Guy number two doesn't text me until Thursday afternoon, and he starts off the conversation by sending a random link to a hilarious tweet about Drake. Eventually, he asks, "What are your plans this weekend?"
Guy number three waits to text me on Friday night with a simple "wyd?"
Guess who struck my interest? That's right, guy number two.
Guy number one came on way too strong. Small talk feels like a dreaded task, and is a mistake many nice guys make when trying to get to know a woman.
By Wednesday, I was already bored and sighing every time a new message from this guy flashed across my screen.
Guy number three? Hell NO.
This is what I mean when I say the guys I like aren't your typical douchebags. You have to have something to offer to spike up my interest. This isn't it.
Number two was just right. The subtle differences between asking, "When can I see you?" and "What are your plans?" speak volumes.
One is too forward and can be read as needy, while the other approach is relaxed. He also seemed to just want to joke around and link up, rather than trying too hard to impress me or know everything I'm about just yet.
Right now, I'm in a selfish phase in my life and embracing it.
I'm still discovering what I want out of life to even think about what I want in a partner.
And since it's obvious at this point, yes, it is a turn on when I'm not the center of a guy's attention. I find it attractive. So what?
What it comes down to is this: If you're just an option to me, then by all means please show me that I'm an option to you. I'm much more intrigued knowing that I don't always have the upper-hand.
We're basically playing poker, and if you're immediately showing me your hand, then you've already lost.
I'm not looking for a future husband right now. Sure, maybe someday, but he's not on my radar at the moment.
I just want to kick it with someone who has the ability to stimulate me without making me feel like I'm trying out to be the main woman in his life.
So, to play it safe, the guys who already know exactly what they want should steer clear of me. I'm not ready for you yet.