You Want To Be Loved, But Also, You Don't Want To Be Loved


Falling in love is a natural — some would even argue essential — process through which humans go.

It’s something that we’re taught early in life. Our parents, peers and beloved Disney films have told us that it’s a great feeling to love and be loved.

We’re always in search of this love. We mainly find it with family and friends. However, we’re always searching for that one great love, that one person who makes us feel complete: the soul mate.

Some find one soul mate and only fall in love once; some fall in love two, three and four times. Others don’t fall in love at all. Essentially, finding love is society's collective life goal, regardless of how successful we actually are in achieving it.

When we do find that great love, every sensation becomes amplified. Your body becomes more sensitive, you feel every breath, and your emotions heighten. It’s exhilarating. Love becomes an intoxicating thirst that we will constantly crave until the end of our days.

Even with this craving, we can choose to turn it away. This is what makes us, humans — the choice to be in love, that is. But, why would someone pass on something that holds the power to invigorate all senses?

Most times, you’re not interested from the start (they’re into ghost hunting or grinding on the dance floor and you just don’t click with that), and that’s okay.

Other times, it begins as something you’d see in an indie rom-com film, slowly climbing into something more, and then, it just halts. You may have worked hard to obtain and continue on with a potential love interest, yet you reach a precipice where the interest just stops.

Somewhere on your journey, you fell out of love. You loved that someone dedicated his or her attention and affection toward you, but it just had to stop.

It seems almost silly to deny the very thing for which we're searching. Even if you classify yourself as an independent person, you subconsciously look for that other half to complete you. Has the cliché killed you yet?

Some would argue that you shouldn’t lead on a potential love interest to begin with. I disagree. When you’re in the moment, instincts kick in; you’re flirting, interacting, acting and reacting on emotions. But when the dust settles, you realize you’re not part of the greatest love story.

It's just another person who you thought you loved, but realized you actually didn’t. Our emotions don’t run like clockwork. They’re unpredictable. You may think you’re on the road to love, but suddenly, you’re backing off faster than an arachnophobe in a spider enclosure.

You want to love this person (kind of), but life usually gets in the way. Most of the time, you’re just too busy. Yes, this is a pathetic excuse, but it does hold some truth.

If you’re like me, you want to put 100 percent into everything you do. However, none of us are Superman or James Franco, and we can’t do everything, all at once. We all reach points when we burn out and break down.

Relationships are not immune to this either. If anything, they’re the most vulnerable. You can’t and you shouldn’t put half your energy into a relationship. If you’re not ready to make the sacrifice to let someone into your life, then don’t.

Despite being over-committed in life, we’re scared of real commitment. The idea of being tied down to one person is scary! Even though we may have caught “the one,” we’re always searching for “the one 2.0.”

Consistently searching for the best mating partner to pass your genes on may be a revolutionary trait. Or, maybe it’s due to the constant mobile phone upgrades from Apple and Samsung. Why get the current model now when the next one will be better?

Another point on not wanting to fall in love is our love for travel and adventure. Unlike previous generations, we want to continuously travel the world.

We want to take spectacular scenery photographs; we want to experience a polarizing culture that makes us feel grateful; we want to live in a city that takes us our breath away every morning.

We want all of this before even considering settling down. The desire to travel sometimes trumps the desire to love.

It’s not that we don’t want to be loved — as previously said, it’s our end game to find love. However, you’d rather fly solo than be with someone, no matter how instinctual it is, at either an emotional or sexual level. You’re at that stage in life when there’s only so much attention you can allocate to energy and patience.

What scares us the most is that we will certainly fall in love. We will open up to that person. We will become vulnerable. It will be the most amazing time of your life.

But, just like anything in life, it will inevitably end. That time is obscure; it could be weeks, months or years. However, before we deal with the damage later, we want to end it before it starts. We just hope that we find that one person who will make us forget about the end and makes us remember to live in the present.