Whether you're a cookie-baking romantic who will be leaving treats on colleague's desk, or you're a hardened cynic dreading getting long-stemmed red rose in cheap-ass cellophane, there's no avoiding it.
It's Valentine's Day.
I've always enjoyed this holiday better as a single Pringle because if you're even remotely attached on February 14, you have to make some kind of effort to express your affection.
But what are you supposed to do?
Are you meant to exchange cards?
Are you meant to book a table at restaurant, where you'll both feel like you're competing with other couples to see whose burning passion spontaneously combusts the table first?
And how do you navigate the awkwardness of your blooming romance when you're six weeks in and a couple thousand levels away from dropping the "L" bomb.
Well honestly, I can't help you with any of that.
But if you're past the three-month mark with your boo, step right this way for the zodiac cheat sheet to win his or her heart:
Keep it comfortable and local.
Capricorns won't want to venture too far away from what they know they like.
Don't play Russian roulette with Yelp.
Book a restaurant you know they love, or join them in a one of their hobbies you've never tried.
Use the day as an opportunity to show much you've been paying attention to what they like, in every sense.
OK, these guys are a little harder to impress.
Don't get me wrong; they'll appreciate your efforts, but they'll want something they've never had before.
If you manage to genuinely surprise this sign, they'll let you know later in the best possible ways.
You know those paint your own ceramics studios you've walked past?
Go to one of those.
Better yet, set up your own little studio at home and have a full on Swayze moment making your own useless clay receptacles.
These guys are artsy, and even if they roll their eyes at first, they'll quickly get into it.
You'll giggle, you'll create and odds are, you'll have some hideous mug with orange genitalia painted on it to commemorate the day.
Aries is the party sign.
They don't want a date; they want a booze-fueled rave.
Notoriously volatile, but equally exhilarating to be around, if you get this date wrong, you'll know immediately.
Take them to a party that will keep them dancing their asses off until 4am.
This sign really plays it cool.
They are sensual, but they usually hide their emotions.
Skip the date; it's all about physicality with them.
Now is the perfect day to set aside the time to try something new in the sheets.
You'll make memories, and hopefully they'll be explosive ones.
Road trip time.
This sign loves to explore new things and gain new experiences.
Don't let them start to think you're boring.
Go pick them up, grab them some spare undies and start driving.
This sign longs for security.
They want to feel safe, and they don't like big surprises.
Don't whip out the "L" word for the first time on these guys on Valentine's Day, or you'll spook 'em.
Leave the mariachi band at home. Plan something low-key, but lovely.
Think of your favorite date with them, and build off that.
Good luck planning something because your Leo isn't likely to go along with it.
Leos are the Alphas, and they will infuriatingly will derail any surprise you plan with a counter surprise.
They want to have control over what you do.
The pressure is off. Just make sure you shower and show up.
As pompous of a rap this sign gets, they just want to feel loved.
Make them something.
It could be a creative cocktail, a batch of peach cobbler or a pimped-out MetroCard covered in illustrations.
It's less about what you do with Virgos and more about how you make them feel.
Libras are happy-go-lucky people.
They're up for anything, but they're also secret romantics.
Surprise them with delightful clichés.
Jump on that ski lift, and have a boozy picnic at the top of the mountain. Just try not to break your necks on the way back down.
Nothing kills romance more than a neck brace and and airlift.
Possibly the most voracious sign, they consume adventure and sex like it's last call at the bar.
Take them skydiving or zip lining over a gorge, and scare the crap out of them.
Take them on an adventure, and you won't be leaving the hotel until well after check out.
These guys are the big-hearted softies.
Show them you care about things, too.
Get a penthouse suite in their cardiac cabin.
Take them to volunteer at a dog rescue, and they'll be in complete awe.
Best of luck. Hope you nail it (and them).