The Guys Who Are Never Getting Married

by Ally Batista

Don’t worry, Elite Daily readers; we do like to cover both sides of the spectrum. Of course there are types of guys who we think will never get married; this burden isn’t just carried by the promiscuous female. The thought of some types of guys alone makes us cringe. Here is our list of the most repulsive types of guys out there.

The Self-Obsessed Guy

This category combines many different types of guys. I can go on and on about the shit heads that infuriate me, but the majority of them all fit into this one category. My mother taught me the most valuable lesson I’ve ever learned: Never date a guy who looks in the mirror more than you do. I’ve met many different types of self-obsessed guys and they’re all the same: fucking awful.

Guidos, male models, and bodybuilders are among this list. These guys are the least ideal marriage candidates because they could care less about you; they only care about themselves. As women, we want attention. That’s how it should be. Pay attention to me and tell me that I’m pretty. Don’t spend four hours in the gym working on your muscles and posing in the bathroom mirror because you’re embarrassing yourself. Only girls should do that shit.

Beautiful men who know it are the worst kind of self-obsessed guys. You want to hate them for loving themselves, but you can’t because they truly are good looking.

These are the self-obsessed guys who will get married…. But most likely two or three times with multiple divorces. A guy like this can never be satisfied with what he has because he can always get something newer and younger.

The Man Diva

Pussies basically. If you don’t know how to fix a car, change a tire, mow a lawn, change a light bulb, or fight, you’re out. I don’t care if you’re the best looking, most intelligent man in the world; if you can’t perform the tasks that were meant for men to perform, you’re useless. Helplessness is never attractive. We understand that you've embraced metro-sexuality, but grow a set, men.

If women are responsible for keeping the house clean, cooking, and caring for the children, you better learn how to be a man.


DJ’s suck because the majority of them are drug addicted, STD ridden, and unoriginal. Cool, you remixed the song Levels I’m unimpressed. Oh, you can do cocaine for 12 hours straight and go home and sleep with the half naked girls from Germany who came to your show? I’ll pass.


Professional social climbers. These guys are just as bad as PR girls. Your livelihood is based on preying on impressionable women who hang in clubs and basically perform sexual favors for social advancement. Remind me again how your job is important and why you’re worth giving a shot? Validating yourself on how many plastic bottles of vodka you get and how many bridge and tunnel groupies you can get past the ropes of a hardly exclusive club is nothing you should be proud of.

So you've got your Hermes belt shined up and you've recruited an emaciated girl who claims to be a model. Have fun making that $30 per head rate for your efforts of text messaging and harassing everyone in your phone book. You went to college for this? Congratulations, you're a professional dip shit.

The Man Child

The guy who never grows up. The guy who is 28 years old and still chuckles when he hears the word ‘penis’. This guy still wears everything his mother bought him in high school and has the sense of humor of a 12 year old.

This is the guy who still says he’s not ready to grow up and be serious when all of his friends are married with children, while he’s still banging 18 year olds, playing Xbox in his apartment alone with a sink full of dirty dishes. This guy is Tucker Max.

The Elite Daily Staff

I mean… have you read any of our stuff? We’re the most notorious group of writers on this side of New York City, but it’s okay because at least we're funny. We are not getting married for one of two reasons: we are either pulling the Puffy (having a lot of kids with one baby mama) or getting surrogate mothers.


Photo Credit: Getty Images