As someone who has never been in a serious relationship, I consider myself an expert on dating, and I believe I can help you find your perfect person.
Since cuffing season has finally begun, I thought since I’m so successful in this, I should share my personal tips and tricks.
Here are my five easy steps on getting drafted early this cuffing season:
If you’re not on a dating app, what are you doing?
You’re already behind.
If you think you’re going to meet someone in a coffee shop or your local bookstore, you’re wrong.
Everyone who’s looking to be cuffed is on Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid. Just pick one; that’s why they’re called dating apps.
Once you finally pick the perfect app for you, now you need the perfect profile bio.
These guys and girls all agree on one thing: humor.
Guys, make sure to throw in a joke about how you can make sandwiches together.
Girls, remember to include that you’re fluent in sarcasm.
And we can all end it with, “We’ll just say we met at Chipotle.”
Also, be original.
Don’t just write “not looking for a hookup.”
Cute alternatives would be: Kanye looking for a Kim. Bonnie looking for her Clyde.
Pick your favorite power couple.
2. Finally have a date? Perfect.
Don’t Netflix and chill on the first date.
I mean, there’s rules to this.
They have to respect you.
3. Ask the right questions
If you’re on a Tinder date, you’ll probably have to get to know the person more, since Tinder only provides you with a couple of pictures and a small bio.
But if you’re from OkCupid, you already know all there is to know about the person, which is essential for getting drafted early.
You’re skipping all the tedious ice-breaker-type questions, and getting straight to the important ones.
Since Christmas is right around the corner, you can ask things like: “What are your holiday plans?” “Should I bring the turkey or the ham?”
“What do you think your parents would like for Christmas?” “Will you be my New Year’s kiss?”
Adjust accordingly to the holiday your potential bae celebrates.
It’s always good to show your date you’re open-minded and willing to learn about his or her culture and religious beliefs, if any.
4. Play hard to get
Even though you both know you’re looking for something serious, you can’t do it too early, or that makes you look easy.
You have to play the game right so when your friends ask about your story, you’ll have the perfect one to tell.
So, keep things interesting at first.
One day, don’t respond to his or her texts at all. The next day, text four times in a row. See him or her every night three nights in a row, and then blow him or her off for two weeks.
It will be a reminder that you’re a catch, you’re high in demand and you need to be cuffed as soon as possible.
5. DTR (Define The Relationship)
So you haven’t seen this person in three weeks and he or she texts, “u up?” at 2 am.
It seems now’s the perfect time to ask, “What are we?”
That’s how you can get your draft pick this cuffing season. But in all seriousness, “cuffing season” is just another time of the year.
Yes, it’s colder and probably would be so much better knowing you have a cuddle buddy waiting for you instead of your Snuggie, but don’t feel bad if you haven’t found someone.
Bundle up, drink some hot chocolate and watch your favorite movies.
There will be plenty of single people just in time for spring fling season.