It's Not Him, It's You: Why The 'Other Woman' Can Only Blame Herself

by April Lee

There are always women like you.

You think you’re clever, but you’re easy to see through. It’s not difficult to notice the destructive pattern you desperately weave because you just want to be noticed.

For you, it doesn’t end with "and they lived happily ever after." That's your cue to make your entrance.

Winning someone over is almost too easy, isn’t it? And you’ve done it many times before.

You have a poor pile of hopeless hearts in your hands, and they don’t satisfy your need to be loved.

But winning someone over when his heart is unavailable? Now, that’s a challenge.

If he chooses you after he already chose another, then you must be worth something, right?

Words are just words. They no longer excite you. Nothing about a listless, lazy text in the middle of the night professes "you’re the one," and you know it.

But throw in a little scandal, and that’s enough to reel you in. Throw in a little controversy, and that’s enough to convince you you're worth the trouble.

An embrace is just an embrace. It no longer assures you. Nothing about a quick goodnight hug makes you believe you're special.

It only matters if he has to return to someone else's arms once he leaves. It only matters if he chooses to hold you when he shouldn’t. It only matters if he chooses to love you when he can’t.

And he will take the bait. He almost always will.

He will keep you in his back pocket for when he's lonely, bored or just wants a little thrill.

And when he shoves you back under his bed in the morning, you tell yourself it’s not his fault. You reassure yourself with a million reasons why he can’t give you his entire self.

And you’ll succeed because it’s true.

You find excitement in the secrecy, but you fail to notice the insincerity. You bathe in the lust, but you miss loyalty. You feed off the chaos and anxiety, but you feel lonely.

You are so romanced by the potential he could possibly leave her that you never ask him to, just in case he won’t. And on the off chance he does, it’s never solely so he can be with you.

You think if he truly loves her, he wouldn’t pay you any attention. You think if she feels threatened by you, you're surely a threat.

But here's the thing: You avoid facing the one person this all boils down to. You avoid confronting the crux of the issue.

But why don't we both just say this out loud?

Just because he's a cheating assh*le, it doesn’t make you any more innocent. Just because she's wrong for him, it doesn’t make you any more right.

But I guess you aren’t too concerned with being a decent person because (for now) you’ve got everything you want.

For the moment, you’re convinced you’re winning. But in the long run, you’re alone.

Over and over again, you choose to be prominent, but insignificant. You choose to be contentious, but irrelevant.

You continue to keep your heart under wraps because there is no rejection when you aren’t asking to be his.

So, this is what I'd advise: Get out while you can because you’ll never have the right to demand more.

But I suppose, for now, that’s all you think you deserve. And it’s not up to her, him or anyone else to convince you otherwise.