10 Times Being Smarter Than Everyone Definitely Won't Get You Laid

by Lauren Martin

Intelligence is like a double-edged sword. You need it to be respected, but being respected doesn't always get you what you want. Unfortunately, just because people respect you, doesn’t mean they want to sleep with you.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point in time, sleeping with people stopped being about who they are and about who they aren’t -- and the biggest "aren’t" is, "they really aren’t that smart.”

Wit doesn’t always work when trying to generate a spark, and no matter how hard you try and dumb yourself down, sometimes there’s just no looking past an individual’s use of the word "indefatigable." Once it's out there, it's out there.

While the ratio of intelligent people getting laid may has increased since the boom of the Internet, there's still an increasing number of unintelligent people getting laid all the time.

Women and men who are trying to offer their minds are still getting outplayed by men and women who aren't using it at all. While this may be the age of the nerd, there are not as many nerds in bed as you think there are.

I’m not saying smart people don’t get laid. Plenty of smart people get laid. But when it comes to being a woman, a sharp wit is not what's getting the job done.

Guys aren’t always turned on by intellect, but rather, intimidated or turned off by it. It’s at least three other things before it’s her knowledge of Russian history or her in-depth analysis of film noir.

Of course, it’s not just that people don’t want to sleep with smart people, but smart people don’t want to sleep with unintelligent people either.

Intelligent people don’t want to be with someone they have nothing to talk about any more than a man wants to be with a woman whose intelligence makes his d*ck shrivel up to the size of the lima bean she just told him only grows in Peru.

Someone who is ready to discuss literature and philosophy on a date is not going to get turned on by someone who has never heard of Carl Sagan, Ralph Waldo Emerson or Henry James.

Someone who wants to discuss a film after seeing it, isn't going to get along with someone who used the movie date as a dark place to try and make a move.

It's a tough dating world out there and the smarter you get, the narrower your chances at finding your perfect date become. So for all those terribly intellectual, insanely brilliant and genuinely interesting people, it's true: being smart might just be keeping you from getting laid.

When you come off as an assh*le

Sometimes, you realize it as the words are coming out of your mouth; sometimes, you don’t realize it at all. But when you’re trying to talk about Russian literature to an audience that confuses Leo Tolstoy with "those cookie brothers," that’s on you… not them.

Life is about knowing your audience and knowing when you're going to sound like a pompous assh*le.

Men aren’t so quick to take you home

When you can stimulate a man’s mind, not just those feelings in his lower groin, he’s more than likely going to try and get to you know better and not just take you to bed.

He may even decide he'd rather not sleep with you and, instead, start talking to you. Because he's finally found a woman he'd rather talk to in bed than just take to bed.

Because being belittled is emasculating

In life, you must know your audience. While there’s nothing wrong with being smarter than a man, there is something wrong with making it well known to him and everyone in the room every five minutes.

It’s the same way you wouldn’t want him to be obnoxious about having better hair than you.

Because your texting becomes too complicated

Sarcasm, puns and literary references within a text don’t always come off as clearly as you may have intended. When he has to look up half the sh*t that comes out of your mouth, imagine what the date’s going to be like for him without Google?

You lose interest when they have bad grammar

This one might be on you. You just always saw yourself with someone who understood the difference between "your" and "you're." Like finding out he’s messy or she doesn’t like to cook, it’s one of those little details that means a lot more.

Big words don’t make for a big d*ck

Just because you can say words I can’t pronounce doesn’t tell me you’ll be good in the bedroom. Maybe if you can roll some r’s or pick up that cheese with your tongue, I’ll be more aroused by what’s coming out of your mouth.

Intimidation isn’t always hot

Pontificating is the antithesis of orgasming. You’re spewing out of your mouth and I’m not getting off at all.

You keep thinking about how stupid your kids will be

Another sad side of the intellectuals is their distaste for mating with anyone who won't enhance their future child’s brain.

The way we’re unconsciously attracted to people with immune systems that complement our own, sometimes you just can’t sleep with someone knowing your kids would turn out worse for it.

Because sometimes you’d rather converse than get dirty

The problem with people who love stimulating conversations and the constant pursuit of new knowledge is they will many times choose that over a night of hot sex.

They can get carried away by a simple conversation during drinks that turns into them going home to look up Marcel Proust’s “Theory of Lost Time” while their date pulls out Tinder.

Because good conversation is more intimate

If they can’t have a conversation with you, they don’t want to f*ck you. It’s as simple as that. Good conversation is as arousing as candles and fragrant oils.

A date who can't banter back and forth with you may as well be as untouchable as Ryan Lochte.