Real men have become a dying breed, a rare sighting, a refreshing gust of wind in a room filled with mediocrity. Everywhere I turn, I see boys who lie, cheat and steal to get what they want.
I hear women complain they aren't able to find real men. I look all around me, and I see a loss of connection, a lack of understanding and an absence of feeling.
Many men are no longer taking the time to connect with themselves, their purpose and their values. Instead, they are settling and playing an adult-version of the childhood game King of the Hill, accumulating bigger and more expensive toys.
The good news is some real men do still exist. Here are the ways to know you've found one:
1. He has an unshakable sense of humor
When you ask any woman what she looks for in a man, almost invariably, the first thing she'll say is, “I want a man with a good sense of humor.” So, why isn't the class clown locking down all the cheerleaders?
A real man is someone who can see the humor in everything. There's something magnetic about a man who never takes himself, his challenges and even life itself too seriously. When she says she wants a man who can make her laugh, she's actually saying she wants a man who can make her feel so safe and secure, that life's problems become a joke.
How do you lock this down, men?
Just relax! Smile some more, laugh at yourself and know everything is going to be OK. If you do just that, she will trust in your good nature.
2. He has a profound sense of purpose
A real man has no interest in living paycheck to paycheck. I don't mean he disdains hard work, but rather every one of his actions is aligned with his higher purpose. Everything he does — the food he eats, the way he spends his time, the career path he's chosen, the way he treats others and the way he treats himself — is aligned with his highest purpose.
He lives for something greater than himself, and he is devoted 110 percent to his mission. His life is one of truth, meaning and mission. It's the reason why women will forever be in love with the artists, thinkers, dreamers, warriors and innovators.
How to embody this? Every morning, take the time to pause and ask yourself what kind of a man you want to be.
What will you be remembered for? What have you done to make the world around you a better place? In what way have you made everyone around you feel important?
Find your mission, and dedicate yourself to it with the entirety of your being.
3. He takes care of his body
A real man is someone who worships the sanctity of his body. His body is a Ferrari, and he uses only the finest fuels. He makes time every day to push his physical limits just a little bit further.
I have a few bodybuilder friends, and although I have no interest in the sport, I have to bow my head in respect to these men. They have incredible discipline, and they push way beyond their pain threshold.
How can you not respect men like that? I was sitting on a beach in Mexico a few years ago with a beautiful woman. She told me something I'll never forget: “I can tell a lot about a man just by the way he treats his body.”
4. He is patient
A real man is patient, and he does not get upset about every tiny thing. He has the self-control and clarity of mind to be there for a woman when she needs him. He never retreats into his head or reacts angrily.
How to lock this down? Put her first. Let her feel whatever she has to feel.
Do not bend, do not budge and do not take a step back. Don't even try to fix her problems because she can take care of herself. Just be there with her, and let her express how she feels.
5. He is loving
A real man is completely in love with life, his woman and himself. As such, his steps are light on the ground, and his presence is like a breath of fresh air in a damp room. Nothing can shake his overwhelming love.
Fear, insecurities and jealousy have no place in this man's life. Sure, he will feel each and every one of them here and there, but they are not enough to shake him off his path. Love is the greatest power on Earth.
How to be this way? Start your days with gratitude, and let it snowball. Really take a look outside, watch the sun rise in all its glory and contemplate how special that moment is.
When you leave the house, notice how incredible it is to be alive. Watch the people rushing off to work or getting their morning coffee, and love them.
People have their own unique set of struggles and pains. Learn to love.
6. He is spiritual
A real man is profoundly spiritual. He recognizes a life of value is one of depth and truth. He lives a fully conscious life.
Sure, he doesn't mind the occasional toy, but he is aware of its transitory nature. He never lets it define who he is.
In short, his confidence is not contingent upon anything but himself.
How to become spiritual? You don't need to be a monk; all you really need to do is slow down.
Just pay attention to how fascinating life is. Notice how everything that happens, good or bad, is just a part of the great journey. Don't hate your sorrows and wish for them to go away; accept them as part of the story.
Take time to observe yourself and to be aware of who you are. Sooner or later, you will discover there is so much more to you than you previously thought.
7. He isn't afraid of commitment
A real man understands you cannot reach any depth without commitment. If he wants something, he will realign his entire life toward that goal.
When he's a bachelor, he allows himself simply to be. When he finds an incredible woman, he follows how he feels. The transition is easy, light and fun.
How to lock this down?
You say you want to get fit, but you skip workouts. You say you want to live a more interesting life, but you stay home and play video games. You say you wanna meet your dream girl, but you don't have the guts to walk across the room and introduce yourself.
Do your actions match your desires? Commit to change.
8. He has impeccable taste
A real man has impeccable taste. He understands he deserves the best, and he will always seek it out. What constitutes the best is entirely up to him.
A real man lives free of imposed trends and fashions. Instead, he finds what speaks to his heart and values it. By doing so, he makes it cool, and he makes it valuable.
Guys, to do this, learn to pay attention to the things you truly find interesting. Learn what will accentuate your life and the life of those you care about.
9. He brings out a woman's inner beauty
A real man is entirely secure in himself, and he doesn't need to be reminded constantly of his own worth. His sole focus is how he makes his woman feel.
He will constantly seek out and accentuate the little things that make her beautiful. He will help her come to understand her own value and her own worth.
To do this? I have to quote Don Juan DeMarco for this:
When I say that all my woman are dazzling beauties, they object. The nose of this one is too large; the hips of another, they are too wide; perhaps the breasts of a third, they are too small. But I see these women for how they truly are... glorious, radiant, spectacular and perfect because I am not limited by my eyesight. Women react to me the way that they do, Don Octavio, because they sense that I search out the beauty that dwells within until it overwhelms everything else.
10. He has firm boundaries
A real man has firm, uncrossable boundaries. He knows what he stands for, and he will not allow anyone to walk all over what he values.
A real man lives by a code that ensures he will never lose himself -- nor his sense of values.
How to lock this down? Draw a line in the sand right here and now. Think back to all the times you went ahead and did something, even though you felt it betrayed your very sense of being.
Did you cut a woman some slack just because you found her attractive? Did you speak in hopes of impressing someone, even though you felt you were selling yourself like a cheap salesman? Did you give in to your lesser urges, even though you swore to live a life of higher purpose?
It ends here and now. A man who has self-respect is a man who can be trusted.