Watching your best friend have her heart broken can be really difficult. Knowing what to say can be even harder.
Because she is vulnerable, it may be tricky to assess how she is going to react to things or predict her feelings on the situation. Naturally, as her BFFL, you are going to want to say and do the right thing.
Like in any crisis, there are a lot of cliche go-to phrases that usually don't do any good. When all else fails, you can try speaking from the heart.
Here are five things you shouldn't say to your best friend after she has been dumped.
"I told you so."
What are you, a maniac?
Whatever the circumstances of their breakup, whether you saw it coming from a mile away or otherwise, this is the worst possible thing you could say right now.
It happened. She knows you were right. No need to rub salt in her very real, very fresh wound.
"There are more fish in the sea."
I get where you're coming from with this angle — trying to find the silver lining and all — but now is not the time. Her big fish just got away, and frankly, my dear, she doesn't give a damn about the rest of them out there.
Give her time to feel shitty about losing the big one, even if the big one, for her, was a mediocre goldfish to you. She'll get back out there eventually.
(SO MANY FISH ANALOGIES.)
"I hate him."
Well, that's all well and good, but she still loves him. And you forming a super negative opinion on him isn't going to change her mind about her heartbreak.
It may also cause distance between you and her because her feelings about this guy are very opposite of the feelings you just stated.
What is more important right now is validating her feelings and not making such big, grandiose statements about someone she cares deeply for.
"He couldn't handle you."
Maybe that's true, but right now, for her, it feels less like "he couldn't handle you" and more like "he thinks he's better than you."
This message just isn't going to resonate because he holds the emotional power right now. It could also make her self-conscious and feel like she is "too much this" or "too much that."
What you mean to say is, "You need someone on your level" or "you deserve someone with their act together." This puts the blame on the guy and not on her for being a certain way or doing a certain thing.
"I never liked you guys together, anyway."
This is just an actual burn. It is going to make her wonder why you never said anything in the first place, or resentful you went all this time pretending to liked him when you didn't.
Plus, she certainly went into the relationship with the intention of it all working out, and it's insulting you weren't on her side in the first place.
If you feel this kind of comment coming, deflect to "you're better off anyway." And if you can't help yourself, kindly point out the downsides of dating him or remind her of all the things she would complain about so she can come to the conclusion she is better off by herself on her own terms.
The ultimate way you can be there for your friend is to simply validate her feelings and remind her you are there for her.
Say, "This sucks. I'm sorry it's happening to you." And she'll be thankful to have a friend like you.