The Problem With Being Addicted To An Addict

by Tori Douglas

Is it possible that we, humans, find joy in pain?

We put ourselves into questionable situations of which we already know the likely conclusion. I mean, Disney and Warner Brothers taught us every life lesson we need to know and yet, we push the limits to prove a point or to see if we might be the one-in-a-million exception.

Chasing love is a conquest that requires going big or going home. So, we agree by jumping before thinking and falling while banking on the possibility of being caught. We hope to be someone’s safe haven and ultimately, his or her one in a million.

We fall for the wrong people and fail to change them. While you may very well love someone with your whole heart, sometimes, love isn’t enough.

Have you ever tried to fix someone? Have you ever tried to help someone get a job in order to steer the person in the “right” direction? Have you ever nagged someone to do something “more” or “different” with his or her life?

Imagine trying to fix someone who loves the high of drugs more than you. Drugs are powerful and all-consuming, and being in love with someone who is addicted to them is a drug in and of itself. I was in love with someone once who would do or say anything for a quick fix.

He was a charming liar, beautiful orchestrator and could end wars with his charisma. Even though I knew he lived with a disease that a shot or pills couldn’t cure, I believed I could be the one to change him. I failed to realize that it’s impossible to change a drug addict who doesn’t want to be changed.

It’s toxic to love a drug addict. There are the good days when he or she wakes up and decides “this is my day” and you believe it’s true. You push through the bad days of struggling without the lethal vice and endure the mood swings that these moments bring. Love makes you forget the bad days in hopes that the good ones will outweigh them.

Ultimately, however, loving an addict is an addiction itself. You yearn for the day when he or she will thank you for sticking it out and dream of the moment when he or she finally apologizes — and actually means it. The genuine apology that comes from the heart, not out of obligation just to appease you. Loving an addict is a disease that never goes away. Some of us break free, but others are addicted to the vision of who this person may become.

Drug addicts are masters of manipulation and impeccable at making you love them with your whole heart. However, doing so will break you down. You become so consumed with trying to differentiate between what the person actually means and what the drugs are saying.

Furthermore, addicts are known to replace their drug addictions with love addictions; you, the significant other, may very well be the new drug of choice. Addicts will burn bridges only to rebuild them because they go mad without something to grasp on the road to sobriety.

To love someone who is madly in love with a substance may lead you to question who you are outside of this person. Loving an addict is a tricky game that many people lose; they either give up or lock in for a long haul of emotional abuse and polar moments of love and hate.

You deserve to fight for your life just as much as your addict partner does. You fight to be there for this person, but also, you must fight for your sanity. The day you watch this person say goodbye to his or her vices is a day many partners fight to see. Good luck.

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