'You Can Reach Out To Me' Is The New 'It's Not You, It's Me,' And It's BS


OK, so picture this: Your heart is silently weeping as THE TALK is rapidly happening.

“You know you can reach out if you ever need me,” your (now) ex says. That simple phrase swiftly cuts through all your fresh wounds, yet you must maintain your composure.

But, it stings. Oh, does it sting.

You can't help but wonder if this line is truly genuine. Nevertheless, you allow it to slither its slime through your pained skin as you try to absorb all that can make up that moment. Did he really just say that?

Now, at this point, both of you look at each other with lost eyes. You are in denial, but you also know that this is the harsh reality. So, there is nothing else to do but to kindly reply by agreeing to the questionable statement and providing this person with the same freedom.

Most us have heard the "it's not you, it's me" line, even though it is beyond cliché. But, I've recently noticed that aside from that phrase, there is another line being used quite often: “You can reach out if you ever need me."

I will admit that I've also said this line to someone else. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. This phrase has become second nature.  Honestly, I couldn't believe I was saying those words, but I somehow felt that line would make things right. Or so I hoped.

I just want to know, when the hell did this statement become such a staple in a breakup or ending of whatever thing you both were entertaining?

I can "reach out"? Yeah? Is that so? You hear it time in and time out, and sometimes you even say it, but does this line hold any true valor? I don't really think so.

This was the person you spoke to every day, if not quite frequently. You knew each other's days without having to ask each other. This person was your human diary. However, times have changed. Everything was thrown away, and now they are trying to make it OK to contact you again? Ummm… WTF?

Neither you nor the other person should be OK with that. You were/are hurting. Those walls that were once pulverized have gone up again. It's painful because those memories with this person are still ever present, but this is life.

Sure, it's normal to ponder about someone who was in your life for some extended period of time, but don't let that consume your thoughts. You need to give yourself space… lots of it.

I can gladly say that throughout these 20-something years of active reflection and various reinventions of myself, I know that I have acquired some self-respect to not run back to people, even if my insides are begging me to do so.

Honestly speaking, at no time at all will you ever need to feel hopeless without the interaction of another person. Yes, it hurts like hell right now, but all these feelings will soon enough dissolve into thin air.

So, no, you won't be reaching out to him. You can thank him for the offer though.