The Ladies And Gentlemen of 2013

by Alice Panikian

What constitutes a gentleman these days? You think you’re a gentleman? Ok, maybe you pick up the bill. You hold out the chair. You open the doors. You might even be old school and stand when a woman leaves and enters a room. But why do you do it? Do you do it because you are a real gentleman? Or because you want people to think you are?

Or worse still -- are you just a gentleman until you hit it? You can dress like a movie star, speak foreign languages, bathe in Chanel Bleu and know everything there is to know about Cabernet Sauvignon, but what makes someone a gentleman is the sincerity in his words and more importantly -- his actions.

It’s if his urge to give comes from a selfless desire to make someone else happy, as opposed to giving in order to receive something in exchange. That small distinction is what separates the “gentleman” from the gentleman. It’s how he behaves behind closed doors when no one is watching. It’s the decisions he makes that don’t receive attention.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult to discern just who is sincere and who is not. There are some very talented posers out there who will have you believing you are unlike all the others they’ve pursued and bedded — and that they could change for you. Try not to be fooled. If it looks like a gentleman and it smells like a gentleman — it’s probably a horny man trying to get some. And that’s fine! I’m not knocking those men. If anything, I applaud their efforts. But, it becomes immoral when he wins the big prize by cheating at the game.

You are not a gentleman if—

Your only objective is to sleep with her You tell lies or mislead her in order to do so You pressure her to do anything she isn’t ready for You drop off the face of the planet after you sleep with her You tell everyone about your conquests You avoid her and confrontation at all costs You spread rumors about her

And the list goes on…but hopefully you get the idea. And if for any reason a gentleman wanted to end it, he’d provide a reason and not shy away from a potential disagreement. What men sometimes fail to understand is that most women appreciate honesty. It’s not working for you? Most women would rather hear that than wonder why you dropped off the face of the planet, never to be heard from again. If she reacts badly, then she’s not a lady. And while you might have to deal with an uncomfortable situation, you can walk away with the knowledge that you behaved like a gentleman -- or at the very least, a man.

The gentleman’s most powerful tool: patience -- the understanding that you can’t receive something of quality without earning it. The lady’s most powerful tool: The ability to control her own sexuality.

As traditional values fade, women become much more promiscuous and opportunistic to their own detriment. Sex is not currency, nor are looks. The sooner women realize that, the better. Women often trade their own physical attractiveness for a man’s money, status and power. What happens when you’re not 22 and a size 2 anymore? Do you think the man who you hooked because of your tight little body is going to stick by you when you reach menopause?

This is not the way to land a husband (not that I’m an expert). You will get judged on your appearance, that is an inevitability. What you can do is protect yourself by waiting a minute to be intimate with someone. What does this do? Well, firstly it allows you to really get to know him and permits any skeletons or ugly habits to be exposed in the process.

This period of time can tell you a lot about what he is looking for. Is he interested in getting to know you? Is he pushy or sexually aggressive? Is he willing to stick it out? Are you even compatible? These are all questions that can only be answered by getting to know a person over time. For some reason, women have gotten it into their heads that if they don’t sleep with a man when he wants it, he will lose interest.

On the contrary, nothing makes a man lose interest faster than when he gets something without really earning it. What kind of message does it send? That you don’t respect yourself enough to even get to know the person you are about to experience on the most intimate level. That you probably do this with other men too. That you aren’t worth making any real effort for. Do men really want you to sleep with them right away? No, believe it or not. No one wants to get a stuffed animal at the carnival without winning the ring toss first. Getting something without earning it is not a very rewarding feeling and can even feel disappointing.

A lady knows her own self-worth. She respects her body and waits until she is comfortable before sleeping with someone. She doesn’t feel obligated to anyone and she isn’t a tease.

You are not a lady if—

You sleep with him on the first date. Sorry. You tease him and/or manipulate him with your sexuality You use him for his money You go after another woman’s boyfriend or husband You leave one guy to meet up with another guy

It isn’t very hard to see why the gentleman and the lady are endangered species in this day and age. It’s indicative of our time. Pointing fingers and placing blame on one gender is futile. We are both equally responsible for evolving to this place, or is regressing a more accurate word? So, what does the future hold for the lady and the gentleman? Well hopefully they meet, breed and thrive in their volatile environment…but likely, as with most endangered species, they will slowly die off and eventually become extinct.

Alice Panikian | Elite.