I’m afraid that would be a no – there isn’t actually someone out there for every individual. Ridiculous, say you? Think about it; how could the worst of the worst, the most screwed up and morally-deprived individuals in the world have soul mates out there just waiting for them?
Maybe soul mate isn’t the best word to use, as it gives this whole love thing an overly spiritual feel. Let’s take a look at the question at hand from a philosophical standpoint, using facts to draw scientifically logical conclusions.
All we have to do is set some parameters, define a couple of variables and conclude the most likely interaction between all aspects of the equation – we’ll keep it simple and theoretical. I’m sure once we go through the exercise you’ll agree that there, in fact, isn’t one person out there for every person in the world.
The truth is that some people aren’t capable and will never be capable of loving someone in the sense that the word love is most commonly defined.
So, let’s start with love. How should we define love? Forget the way it makes you feel, the thoughts it seems to make you have, the chemical reactions. Let’s take a look at love as a means to an end. Why do we, as human beings, love?
Of course, it makes us feel amazing, so we clearly do love – in part – because it gives us pleasure to do so. However, there are more practical reasons for why we love and choose to be part of a relationship. In large part, loving is making sense of an agreement, a partnership between two people.
It’s sort of the glue that holds people together – not only the reason for being together, but that which makes being together possible.
We love because it makes being in a partnership more pleasant and allows for our egos to make sense of teaming up with another individual – an individual with an ego of his or her own. Without love, we’d have a difficult time trusting others.
If we were unable to trust others then we wouldn’t be able to remain in such partnerships for which relationships allow. Now, you may ask yourself: Do we, as human beings, actually need to be in relationships?
Do we need to form relationships of any kind at all? Do we need to connect with other people? The answer to this question gives us the answer to our first question: Is there really someone out there for everyone? The fact is that not everyone needs or is capable of working and functioning within a team.
There are those individuals who, in their state of mind, are unable to be part of such an organization. There are people in this world who never have and never will know what it is to truly be in love, to put their egos aside in order to bond with another person in the only way humanly possible.
It’s best not to think of people as physical beings, but rather as personalities – individual minds made up of memories, experienced sensations and ways of relating to the world.
Is it unfathomable to think that there is at least one person in the world who lives, has ever lived or will ever live who is literally incapable of functioning in a loving relationship, due to the particular combination of nature and nurture that makes them who they are?
Is it impossible that a person exists who will never find another individual to spend his or her life with because he or she simply isn’t able to put the needs of someone else before his or her own?
It could be for a variety of reasons: This person may not be able to work with a person closely and respectfully, he or she may be unable to communicate efficiently.
This person may lack of social skills and have egotistical tendencies that make him or her unable to care about another individual in the capacity that he or she cares about him or herself… Is it really so hard to imagine a personality that no other person could possibly love and live with for the rest of his or her life? I’m sure none of us will have a problem picturing such a character.
Picture taking all the different types of personalities, from the worst of the worst, to the most compatible and capable of loving and caring for others, and putting them in order across a spectrum.
On one end, we have those who have no way of empathizing, those who have been so completely screwed up that they no longer love themselves – forget about loving anyone else.
On the other end, we have those who not only can or want to be in a relationship, part of a team that functions as a single living unit, but who need to be part of such an organism in order to survive. There are people in this world who have a very hard time living completely on their own.
Of course, both cases are extreme; however, what’s most important is to understand what is going on in between.
Between the two extremes of being completely incapable of loving, to being completely incapable of surviving as a lone organism, we have everybody else. Everybody else, though, is not a single category. They, too, are a part of the spectrum.
Each of us is a person on this spectrum – some of us closer to one end of the spectrum, some of us closer to the other. Some are still floating about the middle. The important thing to understand is that the closer our personalities are to those that lie at the end of the spectra, the more or less capable we are of being part of a symbiotic relationship.
So is there someone out there for everyone? Clearly not. Is there someone out there for most people? Yes, there is. But that doesn’t mean that you will find that someone.
Unfortunately, most of life relies heavily on luck. You may or may not meet a person who wants to be with you. Some people are compatible and willing to deal with those who are on the lower half of the spectrum, while many – if not most – aren’t.
The truth is that if you want to be in a loving relationship, you have to be more of a certain type of personality and less of the other. We may all be into different kinds of people, but when it comes to loving, we are all looking for basically the same thing.
Love is love – some of us aren’t as capable of that love because of the emotions it has us feel. The good news is that people are mutable – we can change if we'd like to. But we have to like the person we have to become more than the person we already are in order to do so.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It