The 3 Biggest Risks You Take When You Let Someone You Love Go

by Paul Hudson

Some relationships are clear failures. We’ve all dated at least one individual (more likely, several) whom we had absolutely no difficulty kicking to the curb. The dating game is a tough one, filled with a lot of sh*tty people. Well, sh*tty may be a bit harsh. Sure, some are definitely confused and lazy, but even out of the many great people whom we date throughout our lives, nearly none work out.

It’s difficult finding someone who feels just right, but I don’t need to tell you that. You surely have already come to the same conclusion yourselves. Because when we find someone we fall for and it ends up not working out, the decision to let that person go can be a near-impossible one to make.

You loved this person – that much you know. But what you feel for him or her at the moment is… confusing. Things have gotten comfortable and you seem to be losing your enthusiasm. You’re not sure if you should stick it out or if you should call it quits. A word of advice: If you’re going to decide to cut this person loose, be sure that is exactly what is best for you.

Don’t get lost in all the emotion and confusion. All decisions in life, especially the monumental ones, need to be made with a clear mind. Otherwise, you’re risking making choices that you’ll one day regret.

I find it best to check the risks of any outcome before approaching the benefits – benefits are easy to find and can have you overlook the severity of the risks. Letting go of a person you once loved comes with three major risks:

1. Although you may not appreciate what you have now, it doesn’t mean you never will.

It is possible that one day you will come to realize what exactly it is that you threw away? It’s not so much that you will realize how beautiful that person is, how intelligent and funny he or she is. It’s not that you’ll realize the amazing person that person is, nor how well he or she treated you.

What you’ll realize is the importance of having someone special in your life. It's difficult to understand how important having a partner in life really is when you’re younger. In this day and age, especially in first world countries, we’re sheltered from many needs until we are older.

We’re spoiled and handed most things on a silver platter. Life is easy for a very large amount of people in the world. Great, right? Sure, except that eventually everyone finds him or herself on his or her own. Only when you are alone do you realize how critical it is to have someone else on your side supporting you.

The next thing you realize is how difficult it is to find an individual willing to have your back the way you need someone to have your back. Once you learn to appreciate this, your eyes open up and you begin to understand what you had and what you threw away. Of course, this could go the other way and make it clear that what you had wasn’t what you needed. They call it a risk for a reason.

2. The person he or she is now doesn’t necessarily define the person that he or she will one day be.

The person we are now influences the person that we will be. However, we all change over time and even though the person we will one day be could not exist without the person we are now, that is not to say that both versions of us are not near opposites. Not all people change, but those who change noticeably over time, change significantly.

As we learn over time, we reevaluate our opinions and theories; we begin to understand that some things that we once believed to be of great importance are, in reality, trivial. We begin to understand the world in a new, better-informed way and our thought patterns change.

As the way we think changes, we ourselves change. These novel ideas begin to shape the way we grow as individuals. While I understand that is impossible for us to foresee the type of person our lover will become, we can nevertheless calculate the possibilities of different futures coming to transpire.

Everything and anything is possible, but each possibility has an associated chance of coming to be – some things are intrinsically more likely to happen than are others.

If you’re going to be giving up on something then you should try to understand, to the best of your ability, what exactly it is that you’re giving up – present and future. If you’re thinking that this sounds too complicated, then consider the fact that nothing in life is simple. Why would any answer be?

3. There is always a possibility that you’ll never find someone better.

I’m not saying that this is the right way of thinking, but it is a risk. And, therefore, a possible reality. Even if you’re likely to find someone better, it doesn’t guarantee that you will. I’m sorry, but it’s true. It’s really all a numbers game in the end. The majority of lovers you have in life will be easy to improve. Upgrade even. But there do come those that you worry won’t be replaceable.

Human beings judge all their experiences by comparison. We judge how much we value something we have or are experiencing in the moment with previous versions of a similar nature. When we are considering giving up on the best person we’ve ever been with, it’s easy to imagine that person being the ceiling. We don’t know if there is better. We often assume there is. We always hope there is.

But the fact is that there isn’t always – it’s an illogical possibility for it to be so. Even if there were someone "better" out there, you still have to calculate the likeliness of the two of you meeting and hitting it off. The person you are giving up on may be a necessary step in your journey, but that person may also be the best you will ever do.

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