Taylor Swift Is Proof That Relationship Hopping Never Works
Taylor. Taylor. TAY-LOR.
With the news of Hiddleswift ending, one this has become painfully clear about Ms. Swift: She is, in fact, a relationship hopper.
Let's take a quick run-through some of her most noteworthy relationships, shall we?
October 2010 - January 2011: Taylor dates Jake Gyllenhaal.
July - October 2012: Taylor dates Conor Kenedy.
December 2012 - January 2013: Taylor dates Harry Styles.
March 2015 - June 2016: Taylor dates Calvin Harris.
June - September 2016: Taylor dates Tom Hiddleston.
Now, I know I've said it before. But I'll say it again so Taylor can hear me: You cannot heal the wounds created by one person by immediately filling them with someone else.
I know there's that whole "get over someone by getting under someone new" breakup advice heard around the world. But I think that advice recommends you sleep with someone new once ... and that's it.
You know, so you can forget the way the old dude felt inside of you. And also, to remind yourself that your mojo isn't gone forever.
Relationship-hopping, though, is a different story. After a breakup with someone you truly loved, you can't turn around and learn from, give yourself to and say "I love you" to someone else without it seeming, sort of... half-assed.
The "I love you" with someone new becomes diluted and feels emptier than it did with the guy who broke your heart. Hell, you might not even mean it when you say it to him, whether you know it or not.
You may even find that the pain from your last relationship that you've been trying so hard to forget will come rising right back to the surface through fights about the same problems with your new guy (old habits die hard!). Plus, that pain could even hit twice as hard since you haven't given yourself time to heal.
How else can relationship-hopping be detrimental? It can make you codependent. In other words, when we always have someone by our side, it's too easy to forget how to do things on our own.
Not to mention, when you spend your life going from guy to guy, you can't help but play the compare game — comparing and contrasting guys from the past to ones in your present and future.
When we always have someone by our side, it's too easy to forget how to do things on our own.
So DON'T take cues from Taylor by replacing your Calvin with a Tom. You have got to be single for a while to figure your shit out and discover the answers to the following: Why didn't the previous relationship work? How can you choose a better partner for you next time? How can you grow as a person in the interim?
Being single sucks sometimes. I know. Being single can feel like your life is falling apart or like no one loves you, when there are other women out there being showered with affection who have someone to do everything with. But being single is necessary to figuring out what makes you so special.
Being single is necessary to figuring out what makes you so special.
Taylor, you'll never find "the one" if you're just looking for someone to fill those lonely moments. My post-Tom hopes for you include writing new music, touring, getting back on your fans' good side (some of us hate her right now, mind you).
Finally, I'd like for her — and for you, if you've just gotten out of a relationship — to stay single during this post-breakup phase and remember what it is you love to do.
Then, I want you to do it.