Why I'd Rather Take A Girl For Dinner Than For Drinks
My oh my, how dating has changed! Just a few decades ago, we were going to dinner, pulling into drive-in movies and taking walks on the beach. Now we ... watch Netflix. The comfort of technology is quickly ruining our dating culture.
We try not to leave our house if possible, but when we do, we spend more time on our phones than we do actually speaking to the person in front of us.
It’s rather depressing. I understand that people gravitate towards comfort. They look for it whenever possible, presumably in order to make their lives better.
My friends, we have reached a point where more comfort no longer makes things better. We’ve maxed out. We’ve crossed the line between comfort and excessive laziness, and we didn't even blink.
Technology is ruining all aspects of your life -- slowly, but surely. You’re missing opportunities left and right. Soon -- if this already isn’t the case -- you'll lose sight of how magical and natural life should be.
The more you choose comfort and ease over challenging yourself and leaving your comfort zone, the more unhappy you will become.
Easier is not better. I know that it may seem like it is, but there's a limit to how much we can improve our lives through technology.
Of course, some things in our lives -- like taking a shower or doing housecleaning -- don’t require much effort or focus.
We don't want to be fully present when we're doing these things, so we play music and zone out. That’s completely understandable.
However, you want to be present in the moments that matter most. Like, for example, a date. People date in order to meet their life partners.
If you’re like most millennials, your idea of "dating" is either watching Netflix at home or going out for drinks. You don’t see anything wrong with that? Let me help you see the bigger picture:
If it’s not dinner or the equivalent, you’re clearly just trying to get laid.
“You want to come over and watch some Netflix and chill?” Translation: are you down to f*ck? “How about we go out for some drinks?” Translation: I’m pretty sure that if I manage to get you intoxicated enough (or get myself intoxicated enough), we’re going to f*ck.
Don’t get me wrong: I love sex just as much as the next assh*le. But does it always have to be about sex? Freud was a very intelligent man, but there’s no reason to constantly prove his theories correct. There’s more to you than unintended sexual innuendos. You’re no longer an ape; humans have been evolved for a long time.
The problem with dating for sex is that you’re going to date people who you think will sleep with you. You’re looking for a man or woman whose main concern that night is having sex -- just like you. But is that what you really want? Is that what any of us really want?
Sex is great only when it’s with someone we care about. Because you two just met, the sex may be good, but it's most likely going to be subpar. Then again, you’ll both probably too hammered to even remember. But if that’s the case, then what the hell is the point?
Everybody is compatible when there's heavy drinking.
When I say "heavy drinking," I don’t necessarily mean keg stands. Heavy drinking means any drinking that makes you intoxicated; if you don’t believe me, ask your doctor.
Getting drunk will put two people together. You’ll both be physically present but mostly distracted by your thoughts of sex. You won't really get to know each other, and you'll kill time until one of you makes a move.
If you’re looking for a relationship, you have to try conversing while sober. Eventually, you’ll have to do this. Plenty of relationships are fueled by sex, drugs and alcohol.
Do you know what these all have in common? They all end. When sobriety kicks in, you probably won't have enough in common to keep you two together.
Talk to each other. Get to know each other. If you want to have a drink or two with dinner to help calm the nerves, go for it.
Just don’t drown yourself in booze. If you do, your first date will likely be your last. And if it isn’t, you’re going to have to keep up the charade and get drunk every time so that you make sure it's as much fun as the last.
This will get exhausting. Not to mention, there’s a good chance that your liver isn’t going to make it.
If you want to fall in love, you want to be sure that you’re sober for when it happens.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn't the point of all this to find love? You want to find someone who will be there for you when times get tough -- someone who will share in your joys and agonies.
You want someone you can support and make happy each day. You want a partner-in-crime and a partner-in-life.
The moment that you realize that you’re falling in love is an incredibly magical one. Not only do you realize you're falling; you also allow yourself to fall even further.
The more grounded and present you are, the grander and more magnificent the experience.
A relationship built on booze is an illusion. Intoxication can convince us something is real -- when it actually exists only in our spinning heads.
This may not seem like an issue now, but down the road you’ll begin to question whether or not any of it is real (if it was ever real to begin with).
Love is complicated. It fluctuates. It changes. It grows and shrinks. It’s confusing enough when you're present for all of it. And when your relationship is fueled by the bottle, you’re not going to be sure if you ever truly felt what you thought you did.
You’ll have difficulty convincing yourself that you still love your partner, because you won't feel the same way when you're sober.
I know this may seem a bit extreme to you, but I’m sure that if you dissect your past relationships and dating experiences, you’ll notice that there’s a pattern.
It's a pattern that always comes to the same conclusion: You being completely alone. Well, I guess not completely. You still have that bottle.