5 Reasons Why Being Single Is To Blame For Your Sh*tty Summer

by Marcus Hubbard

Being single sucks, and if there’s one time of the year when it particularly sucks, summer takes the gold medal.

There are no long, romantic walks at dusk; no sharing ice cream on the pier; no one with whom to upload annoying selfies on Instagram. Single summers suck — here are five reasons why:

You have no one to go with on getaways… other than your parents.

Your friends are on vacation with their significant others and they will not let you forget it.

For the past two months, you’ve had to endure the “18 days before xxxxxx” Facebook updates and constant Snapchats of that lovely couple standing in front of that exotic waterfall (or whatever the couples are doing these days).

Wonderful. Not to mention, because you’re the only single one out of all of your friends, everyone else left town with their lovers. I mean, you could go on vacation with your parents, but you’re still recovering from spending Easter weekend with them.

Also, solo holidays are ridiculously expensive; rooms, dinner, excursions and everything else comes in twos. It’s as if travel companies are punishing us for being single by making us pay double prices as singles. Ugh.

Solo picnics are sadder than they are peaceful.

It’s hot and you love food, so of course, you pack up your picnic basket (does anyone own a picnic basket these days?) to hit the park or beach or rooftop garden or nearest patch of open air.

Unfortunately, you have no lover with whom to share that bottle of chilled Prosecco. But hey, you never know, maybe Grandma will come along? (She’ll probably at least make the sandwiches.)

Theme park trips mean you bond with complete strangers.

Summer break would not be complete without a trip to the theme park with your best friends, but unfortunately for you, even roller coasters will remind you of your dire, lonely state.

You’re forced to ride solo, as roller coaster manufacturers haven’t yet implemented a "third wheel" seat option.

When you finish your ride, you seriously debate whether or not you should buy a picture from the merchandise kiosk of you and the empty seat next to you.

Or maybe, the roller coaster operators decide to fill the seat, so you find yourself riding with a complete stranger who doesn’t really do “white knuckle” rides.

You’ve been getting in summer shape since Christmas… and no one is there to admire it.

I mean, you certainly didn’t give up fast food for your own health. You’ve been living off lean protein, lettuce and juices to so you can look great in a bikini and your lustful summer romance will be able to tell you how hot your tanned abs are. Time wasted.

You have no one’s jacket to borrow as you watch the sun set.

It’s a staple in any and all romantic movies: Cute couple sits and watches the sunset on the beach or rooftop garden or porch and she gets cold, so he gives her his jacket. Your friends can borrow their boyfriends’ jackets before snapping a selfie and it will be their cute summer memory.

For singletons, who are left to borrow their dads’ jackets as they watch the sun set, the memory won’t exactly scream “cute” or even “memorable.”

Screw that. You don’t even have someone who will watch the sunset with you… other than your dog.

Enough said. Being single in the summer completely sucks. Good thing those long Christmas winter nights are just around the corner to make us feel even more like lonely spinsters. Exciting things ahead!

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It