20 Innocuous, Subtle Questions You Only Ask When You're In Love

by Lauren Martin

No matter how many times you fall in love, you’ll never fully understand it. Come to think of it, how does it happen, again? Is the feeling always the same or is it different every time?

I’d like to think it’s that moment of euphoria when you say his/her name; when it feels like there's champagne flowing through your blood and your desire for him/her oozes out of every pore.

Or is it when you can’t keep his/her name out of your mind for longer than a solitary thought? Is it when his/her touch makes you believe in such a thing as Heaven?

It’s hard to tell. What we do know, however, is the moment that indescribable feeling is replaced by another one -- a less poetic, less grand and less obsessive one.

It's the moment we replace jitters with concern, when our attraction to our partner comes second to our care for him/her. It’s when we start worrying rather than worshipping.

There's a saying: There are two things you don't talk about in conversation because other people genuinely don't care: your diet and your health.

When someone is you asking about either, you know he/she loves you. You know he/she loves you when he/she wants to know what you ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner and exactly how the bruise on your knee is healing.

Those long declarations of love are replaced with more subtle, shorter phrases. “How did you sleep?” is really, “I love you so much I actually care about your sleeping patterns.”

So if you really want to know if you're in love, pay attention to how many of those tiny, little innocuous questions you're asking.

"How did you sleep?"

Only someone in love cares about how many hours of sleep you got and if the mattress was comfortable.

Only someone who's spent nights sleeping next to you, understanding your fears and quirks will understand what your bad night of sleep really felt like.

"How was your day?"

Your partner's day is your day, and a bad day for him/her pulls you down just as far.

Your life with him/her is about sharing experiences and you share all the great days along with the horrible ones.

"What'd you have for dinner?"

They know what you like and what you don't like. They like the idea of you enjoying yourself at dinner and having a good meal.

Besides, what you're putting in your body now directly affects him/her.

"How’s work?"

The only people who care about your work are your parents and your significant other.

Because work is as boring to hear about as it is to do, and only someone who truly loves you will not only care about what your boss did, but her (and her assistant’s) name.

"What do you want to eat?"

He/she is asking you because even if he/she doesn’t want the same thing, your happiness comes before his/hers. Your partner will get sushi even though he/she was really in the mood for pizza.

And that's the sign of true love.

"Do you need anything?"

Such a simple question, but loaded with so much love. A person in love is no longer just going to the store by him/herself, but always with the person on his/her mind.

"How was last night?"

Your partner isn't asking to hear about drama, like your friends; he/she is asking to hear about you.

He/she wants to envision the night from your eyes, watch it play from your memory and pretend he/she was there with you.

"Did you bring your hat?"

If you're cold, your partner's cold. His/her love for you runs as deep and far as his/her own blood and if you're shivering, your partner's shivering, too.

"How's the temperature?"

You like it two degrees cooler and he/she knows this about you.

Your partner knows you get warm easily and even though it's his/her place, he/she is going to adjust the heat to your needs because seeing you happy is warmer than a cold house.

"How's your mom?"

An extension of you is now a part of him/her. Your relationship with your parents becomes part of your partner's and the concern he/she has for your parents is a byproduct of his/her love for you.

"When will you be home?"

Whether it's at 4 pm, 9 am or 2 am, he/she wants to know when you'll be back in order to plan when he/she can start breathing again.

It's a simple question, but it's loaded with a magnitude of want and desire.

"Do you want me to drive?"

Even though it's four hours and he/she would rather sit in the passenger seat and sleep, he/she will let you do that.

Your partner wants to drive because he/she wants to do something for you. He/she doesn't necessarily enjoy driving, but enjoys taking care of you.

"Did you like your dinner?"

He/she is not just asking how you liked your food, but how happy you are. He/she wants to know you enjoyed yourself -- that you feel satisfied and fulfilled.

Your partner cares about your meal the way he/she cares about your life.

"Should I come to you?"

You both want to be with each other but he/she is the one willing to admit he/she will do anything to make it happen.

He/she doesn't mind doing the driving, busing, flying or walking if it means you're both happy and together.

"How can I help?"

There's nothing worse than seeing someone you love in pain. You want to help because you'll do anything you can (whether it's actually helping or not) to make the pain go away.

"Is that new?"

Only someone in love notices the subtle changes to your wardrobe, hair and decór. He/she loves looking at you, studying you and soaking you in.

Your partner doesn't want to miss a single thing about you because he/she is trying to memorize you.

"Are you tired?"

Your partner wants to know how you're feeling. If you're tired, he/she wants to rock you back to sleep.

This person is your caretaker, your protector and, if you're not getting enough sleep, you're not dreaming about him/her.

"Do you want to stay in tonight?"

It's not about spending the night on the town, but forgetting the town even exists. It's just you two and the more you fall in the love, the less you're going out.

"Was it good for you?"

It's not about his/her orgasm, it's about yours. Your partner wants to pleasure you before him/herself and if it wasn't good for you, f*ck the whole thing.


Because. Because only a person absolutely and completely in love ever goes to the second question. He/she is the only person who cares enough to dig further and not just want an explanation, but yearn for it.

Your partner wants to know "why?" all the time.