Stop Trying To Get Married When You Don't Even Know What You Want In A Person Yet
Everyone I know in college is all “I’m going to marry my boyfriend!” and I’m over here like, “Well, I’m going to the movies.” There’s no reason to get married before you, yourself, are established; it is the perfect way to end up with no personal identity in adulthood.
It doesn’t matter how many people you have or have not dated, just what you learned from it all. There are six things I have learned about dating since being tossed back on the scene during my senior year of college.
It is important to date to learn what makes you tick, what makes you happy and what makes you absolutely livid. It is less important to date to get married because once you have found the perfect mixture of those three things, Prince Charming will be down on one knee and you’ll be able to confidently say “yes.”
1. There Isn’t Just One
There isn’t just one thing that will make the relationship work, but there can be one thing that will break it. What many people don’t realize is that you don’t have to deal with that one thing because everything else is good.
I’m not talking about his feet being stinky or her terrible singing in the shower; this one thing is the way that he puts down your dreams, even if he does rub your feet after work every day. Take the time to accept what doesn’t work and learn to let go of the ones who don’t, quickly. Which leads to my second point...
2. If You’re Happy, It’s Working
Happiness is the goal of any relationship. Those looking for stability or control are not in it for the right reasons. If this is you, then you just identified the perfect reason to get out and date more.
Learning to find happiness in someone else is key to any kind of relationship, not just dating. The person who makes you perfectly happy may not be the perfect partner, but once you’ve had a taste of what it feels like, you’ll know what you’re looking for in the future.
3. The Selfish Side of Things
Relationships are selfish, not eating-all-the-chips kind of selfish, but meeting-needs kind of selfish. Dating different people identifies the give and the take along a sliding scale. Some are needy, some are independent and occasionally, one is just right.
Giving is when the exchange starts to get complicated, but fun. It’s knowing how much you can and will share that speaks volumes about your comfort and desire for the other person.
Anyone with ears can listen, but how much are you willing to tell and what kind of feedback do you receive? Finding a balance takes time, patience and generally, multiple discards.
4. If You Can’t Handle The Snoring, Get A Pair Of Earplugs
Stop sweating the small stuff; all couples have at least minor tiffs. Even friendships have ups and downs and we must learn to just calm down and let things pass.
High school was the time for drama; now is the time to learn to cope with the little mishaps and mistakes that cause it. Each person will bring different gripes and hurdles to the table; if they’re small and can be worked through, they should be.
Learning to deal with different individuals’ idiosyncrasies will help you to learn to deal with the ones that really matter when you do eventually find that forever love.
5. Get A Sense Of Adventure
You don’t just want, but need someone to test and push your sense of adventure. This is where limits are learned. Different people have different ideas of what adventure means, which is a huge takeaway from any relationship.
You are a combination of your parents, family and friends. No one tells you that you are a combination of the people you date, but you are. There are limits to every aspect of our personal and professional lives, and finding those limits only comes through facing them.
You want a partner to push you to limits you didn’t even know existed. Every relationship will bring a new challenge to the table. Accept the challenge, conquer it and then, move forward to the next. Once you find someone who is constantly posing constructive challenges, you may be done spinning the bottle.
6. Lastly, Just Learn
Dating isn’t about getting married; it’s about growing toward getting married. Every relationship doesn’t have to end poorly, either. Sometimes, a date will take you out a few times and expose you to new experiences, but you’ll realize that even though it’s all great, you have nothing in common.
That is okay! Leave it on a high note and move on. Even relationships that end badly can still teach us lessons, but in return, we, too, must always be open and willing to share.
Take the bad with a grain of salt, take the good to heart and soak it all in because each new piece we add to our souls takes us one step closer to that person we will call our soul mate.
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