Why Being Someone's 'First' Will Inevitably Lead To Heartbreak

by Myelle Lansat

We all remember our "first: " the look in your partner's eyes right before he enters you, the butterflies filling your stomach and the tingle you feel as he or she touches you slowly, goosebumps trailing behind.

Your body becomes tense, and then, it happens. You are no longer held back by virginity.

For most, the details are in our chosen partners. Whether you carefully selected him or her from several pro and con lists or felt adventurous and pulled a random from a party, you will never forget the person who took your virginity.

In most cases, it won't be your partner's first time at the rodeo because you know if you're going to do it, it might as well be with someone who knows what the f*ck he or she is doing. You may fall in love with that person or simply thank him or her for releasing you from purity's shackles. But the main goal was to get it over with so you could begin your sexual quest at finding real love.

The usual timeframe of losing one's virginity is typically between the middle of high school and the beginning of the college years. Past that, most people already have their naughty number.

But what happens when you reach the end of your sexual rainbow to find out your pot of gold is untouched?

Falling in love with someone who has only loved you is the best and hardest love anyone can have, and unfortunately, it will (most) likely end in heartbreak. As someone who has had experience with relationships, you are aware of the importance of breakups and growing from them.

You know that dealing with heartbreak is what guided you along your path of love. It's what brought you to the end of your rainbow.

Love is the hardest emotion of all. It comes with being selfless, compassionate and making decisions for your partner's betterment.

Love creates difficult circumstances and challenges that need to be faced. Is it fair to keep the person you love from experiencing love and loss by others?

To quote the brilliant Tennyson, “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." But can one truly experience love without experiencing loss? Personally, I don't know if it's selfish to want to keep someone all to yourself.

Knowing you are someone's one and only (literally) feels exactly the way Disney portrays it: It's pure bliss, and happily ever after. But these kinds of relationships are not as easy as they may seem. Even though one is experienced, the other person is not.

You'll go through all of the common “first relationship” emotions and fears. You will fight, and will have to defend silly assumptions. You will be faced with jealousy and trust issues.

One of you will want to spend all your time together, and think of nothing else. You will lose your temper and have difficulty understanding where your partner's feelings and actions are coming from, especially when all you do is trust and love him or her.

You will understand the importance of space, and the benefits it brings to relationships. The hardest part is remembering that all of his or her issues and emotions stem from a lack of experience.

You will slowly realize that he or she can never truly achieve your level of rationality and level-headedness when it comes to relationships, simply because he or she lacks the experience. It is a hard conclusion to come to, but I do believe in the saying, “If you love somebody, let them go.”

It is crucial to experience a variety of relationships on your path to discovering love. Each person you create a relationship with molds and changes you as a person.

Each ended relationship leaves a scar in your heart in the form of a lesson. It may take time to realize, but the lessons you learn from breakups help you grow and mature.

These lessons allow you to make positive changes that are imperative when beginning a new relationship. So, what happens when you love someone who has yet to embark on his or her journey of sexual discovery? What happens when you're on a journey that ultimately represents you as a person, which can truly only be achieved after dealing with love and loss?

Like I said, love is the hardest emotion of all. But all deserve to experience it in its entirety.