7 Signs You Shouldn't Move In Together If You're Questioning It
Moving in together should be a really exciting time in a couple's life.
Often, when couples move in together, it means they've been happily coupled-up and committed to each other for a while.
That said, sometimes, people move in together prematurely or for all the wrong reasons. And when this happens, there were often signs long before the actual move-in date that the couple wasn't ready or wasn't a good fit.
If you've been thinking about getting a place with your partner, but you have a nagging feeling it's not right, read on for some signs you shouldn't move in together.
1. One Of You Isn't Financially Capable
Moving in with your significant other should be the beginning of an equal partnership. If one of you isn't financially capable of dealing with the new space and contributing equally to the household, it may not be the time to do so.
Living with your partner doesn't necessarily mean you need to get a joint bank account and start sharing all of your finances, but it does mean you should both be ready to be adults and handle your responsibilities. If one of you can't financially support yourselves, it'll just cause you both stress and anxiety down the road and may even lead to a breakup. It's better to wait until you're both financially stable and can handle all the unexpected money issues that might come your way.
2. You Don't See The Relationship Progressing
If moving in just seems like the next thing you're supposed to do, or you're doing it to save money on rent, save yourself the future heartbreak and just get a roommate.
Often, couples think there is an established trajectory of what they are "supposed" to do in a relationship: date, get more serious, move in, maybe get engaged, married, etc.
The truth is the only correct path is the one that works for you. If you're at a stage in your relationship where you really don't see a further future with your partner, but you just feel like moving in is the next step, it's better to have an honest conversation about where the two of you stand.
If there really isn't a future, you'll break up sooner or later anyway, and then, you'll be annoyed that you had to move all of your things before you did so.
3. You Nitpick Each Other
If the two of you are constantly nitpicking each other's every move (or if even just one of you is doing this), moving in together will be a disaster.
A couple where one or both parties can't let the other just be themselves not only shouldn't be getting a place together, but they'll probably end up broken up in the near future.
When you live together, you inhabit a shared space and are able to see even more of each other's bad habits. If, before you do so, you are already feeling like this person has so many bad habits that you can't handle it, it'll only get worse after the move.
Instead of thinking that moving in together is the way to go, assess your overall relationship and figure out if the two of you are even a good fit for each other in the first place.
4. You Still Pretend To Be Perfect
If you're still in the phase where you pretend that you never get a zit and that your apartment is spick-and-span all the time, now might not be the best time to move in with your partner.
When you and your partner start sharing a living space, you are going to see each other at different phases. Sometimes, you'll look really perfect, smell great, keep up with your personal hygiene and home hygiene, but other times, you'll inevitably be stressed out of your mind, so you'll go on a bender of potato chips and soda and not shower for three days. It is what it is.
In a committed, open, and honest couple, moving in together can obviously be a great thing. That said, you should feel comfortable enough with each other to be your real selves before you do it.
5. Your Visions For Your Lives Are Totally Different
If you and your partner have totally different visions for your lives (not just in the future, but also right now) moving in together is probably a pretty terrible idea.
In the present, if one of you is a late sleeper and late riser, and the other likes to hop out of bed every morning at 5 a.m. for a workout, you may not be the best match. It's not that it's impossible to make a pairing like this work, it's just that it'll be a lot harder to do so than if you were more similar in your habits.
Also, if one of you thinks you're just moving into a certain place for a short time as you prepare to move to a new city or travel, and the other thinks wherever you're moving to will be your forever home, you're both probably in for some disappointment. Don't move in together if you two can't even see yourselves living a similar life with similar values together.
6. You Are Doing It Because You Don't Trust Them
Suspect your partner might be cheating? Want to have them closer so you can keep an eye on them? A good thing to do is move in together, right? Wrong.
If you have been surreptitiously investigating your partner because you feel like they might be unfaithful to you, this is not a reason to move in together. In fact, this is probably a reason to completely break up, or at least to spend some time assessing what's really going on in your relationship. Don't make the mistake of thinking that by having your partner closer, you'll be able to keep more of an eye on them. Instead, it'll probably just stress you out to live with someone you already don't trust.
7. You Think It'll Fix Your Problems
Moving in together because your relationship is already on the fritz and you think it will solve some of your relationship problems is a pretty terrible idea. Sometimes, couples get it in their head that sharing a living space, seeing each other more, and being around for the relationship more will help fix some of the issues that have already arisen. But nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact, moving in together when certain things in your relationship are on the rocks could be just the ticket to push you and your partner completely over the edge. You might even decide to breakup. So if you do see a future with your partner, but you are also having significant problems in your relationship, work on fixing those problems before you try to move the relationship forward in any way, including moving in together.
For the right couple, at the right time, getting a new, shared living space together is really wonderful. But if it's not the right couple, not the right partner, or not the right time, it could be a really bad mistake. If any of the signs on this list sound like you, you may want to spend more time thinking about whether moving in together is a good idea.
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