How To Show Your SO's Ex That You're Better Than Them
Jennifer Aniston's beau, Justin Theroux, recently shaded Brad Pitt in the most amazing way. He posted a photo of an artist in front of a graffiti wall. On that wall was a hidden message: "Fuck Brad Pitt."
Theroux tried to play it cool, of course, by saying he wouldn't shade his girl's ex because he's "not an 11-year-old," but I think he liked throwing the shade.
The way I see it, age is just a number. There's no such thing as "immature," especially when it comes to dealing with your new bae's ex.
We all know there's a bit of an unsaid standoff between you and your boyfriend's ex, even if you guys are complete strangers. Which is why it's super important to show her that yes, you are, in fact, the better girlfriend.
Now, the key to pulling off shade is to be discreet about it, because you don't want to come off all ~crazy~.
Here's how to subtly shade your SO's ex, a la Justin Theroux:
If you see the ex IRL, be painstakingly nice.
You don't want her to think you're a bitch (after all, you are the better person here). So do the whole "OMG, WE'RE NEW BFFS!!" thing. Play nice, plan a coffee date and pretend you're going to actually hang out.
Don't forget to compliment her on her outfit.
And while you're at it, blow her a kiss.
Post pictures of your Peace Corps trip to Africa on Facebook so the ex has something really nice to stalk.
You traveled to Africa and made it back in one piece while also helping save the world. That takes skills and, not to mention, guts and heart.
Make the ex feel like total slime by making a public album and titling it, "Africa: My Journey of Self-Discovery."
Did his ex travel to Africa to find herself and help better the world? Nah. Didn't think so.
Make your Instagram public.
You're typically a private person, but this ex has got your panties in a bunch. Make your Insta public just because she exists and you want her to have full access to stalk your amazing life.
But if you're going to do this, you really need to commit. Delete all those old Instas that make you look like a sad weirdo, like emo quotes and pictures of you looking off into the distance, and keep the ones that make you look ~fly.~
On Instagram, post obnoxious gym selfies...
You know, to show off your super ~fit~ bod.
The ex is deep into a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a bottle of red wine because your new BF is a total catch and she's afraid she'll never do better. But YOU have been gymming it up lately, and now you can do some Kung Fu shit with your body.
That should not go unnoticed.
Homegirl needs to know your skills. So throw some subtle shade by posting a picture on Instagram to show just how fit and fab you are.
And if you don't feel super comfortable in your bod right now, you can always take a hot Felfie. (Face selfie.)
Obnoxious couple dinner pics...
You and your SO go to swankalicious dinners where you indulge in delicious lobster rolls and champagne. Meanwhile, the ex is no longer being treated to such luxuries.
Girl, you clearly are winning.
So be a basic bitch and take pics of that fancy food. I suggest bringing a selfie stick because you don't want to chop bae's face in half by trying to take a regular pic yourself. Nothing says shade quite like "I get to eat overpriced lobster and you don't."
Also, before dinner (you know, before you look all bloated in your nice dress), ask someone to take a nice picture of you and bae outside the restaurant. Then, upload that shit. You deserve this.
... and #NoFilter selfies.
The ex usually posts an Instagram picture with one of those pretty Snapchat filters. She usually goes for the dog one, or that pretty gold crown one they recently got rid of. (Damn you, Snapchat.)
But you? You don't need no filter! You're all fresh up in this bitch.
For the pic, you just need fluorescent lighting, a place with an off-white background to make you look tan and an upward angle so people can't see your double chin.
This will show her you're clearly the prettier one. #Shade.
Live, laugh, and love your way through life. Be the happiest you've ever been.
Everyone knows the best way to throw shade is to just unapologetically be yourself.