Things To Consider Before Taking Them Back

by Amanda Jo

Being 30 years old and still single, I've done my fair share of dating and breaking up. But, in the wake of a newly disintegrated relationship, I’ve found that most guys end up running back, begging for more. At first, this flattered me, as it felt like they couldn’t live without me, but the truth seems to reflect the contrary: Just because a guy comes back doesn't necessarily mean he actually misses you or even really cares.

There are a handful of reasons people may try to come back into your life, so before you grant him a second chance, let’s consider the possible motives.

Genuinely sorry

While this is the best reason for his return, it is also the trickiest. He’ll claim to be genuinely sorry, but may not actually be at all. It shouldn’t take a guy long to realize that he’s dating a quality person, but if he truly believed you to be worthy from the get go, why did he mess things up at all? Hear him out before deciding whether or not to grant a second chance, but tread lightly. He still must prove his devotion — through actions, not just words. Make him work for his second chance before you consider letting your guard back down.

Tried to do better, but can’t

Most of the guys I date allow me to end things instead of putting in the effort to keep me. I have one ex who always circles back to me simply because he’s bored, lonely and can’t find anyone better. But, if your man left for any period of time and came back because he couldn’t do better, do not give him a second chance. He just wants to pass the time with you until he finds something newer and shinier. And when he does find this, he’ll leave you behind for good.

Wants to hook up with you

Most guys aren’t interested in hooking up with as many different girls as we think they want to, so chances are, if he’s back, he misses this part of the relationship. He knows that it’ll be less work for him to hook up with you than to try with someone completely new. If he earnestly wants a second chance, he can prove it with thoughtful dates that end with you going home alone afterward. See how long he sticks around without you giving him what you think he wants. If his actions still match his words after a month of physical probation, he may be for real.

It’s a power thing

When one person ends things, it’s a huge blow to the other person’s ego. The dumpee may have a strong desire to win you back, just to end things on his or her terms instead. Men tend to handle rejection poorly; many like to know they can have you back simply for the validation. These types will distract you with silly flirtations here and there, just to see if you’ll take the bait. If you’re unsure about whether or not he’s playing a game, flat out tell him you deserve more. Leave it up to him to prove he’s serious.

Wasn’t ready then, but is now

A common dating problem is a failure to establish up front what is desired from a relationship, leading many women to fall for men who may not have been in the market for a serious relationship. These men may go along with the course of things until one day he'll wake up confused, wondering how he ended up in the relationship. He’ll likely freak out and end things because he says he’s not ready — he's not done chasing other girls, thinks he can do better and he wants to explore other options. Once he’s done with his silly existential crisis, he may realize that he’s ready to be with you and will come back.

While it always feels nice when someone for whom you once cared tries to return to your life, make sure he’s back for the right reasons. You should never be someone’s back up plan. When in doubt, remember his actions should reflect his words.

This article was written by Amanda from

Photo via Ed Sheern Tumblr