Sex Without Emotions: Is It Possible?

by Jenn Scalia

One-night stands, booty calls, friends with benefits - all of these types of relationships exist, but are any of them really worth it? Is it possible to have a sexual relationship with someone without catching feelings? We all know that when you care too much, someone always ends up hurt, so we opt for a purely physical fling, thinking we’ll be better off without any strings attached. Let's explore these three types of physical connections, the difference between them and if they are, in fact, what they're cracked up to be.

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it." - Woody Allen

One-Night Stands

You're having a great night out with your friends, and the opportunity presents itself to bring a stranger home for the night. You both know it's not going to lead to anything; it's purely for sex. Hell, you may not even exchange numbers or names for that matter. This type of sexual rendezvous is probably the easiest on the heart and mind; however, the physical risks involved in this type of behavior should have you second-guessing your choice to bring home that seven after a drunken night at the club. Reports reveal that 1 out of 6 people in America are infected with an STD.

Although the sex will feel good in the moment, how are you going to feel the next day? Thoughts are bound to pop up in your mind, like, "How many other people has he/she done this with and how often?” "Is she on birth control?" "Has he been tested?"

These things surely won't be going through your mind while your throwing back shots of patron, or getting down and dirty with this stranger, but the afterthoughts are bound to creep up on you.

So while the one-night stand might bring you quick and easy sexual satisfaction, and most of the time without the worry of anyone "catching feelings,” you will have to deal with your own emotions over what you've done with someone you know nothing about.

Booty Calls

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We've all heard the rules of this game: no planning, no kissing, no cuddling, no sleeping over, no cute phone calls or texts afterward …the list goes on. This partner is someone who you've chosen to keep at your beck and call to satisfy your sexual desires upon your request. This is most likely someone you met at a club or on social media.

The benefits of the booty call are pretty straightforward. You get sex when you want it, with someone you know and trust, and you always know the sex is going to be great. (If you have a "booty call," and the sex isn't great, then you're doing it wrong.) You've already mastered each other's bodies and desires, so the deed becomes just that - mastered. Each of you fulfills the other’s sexual needs, and there's nothing more to say about it.

You have no desire to ever have a real relationship with this person, as they are basically being used for sex. There could be the rare occasion where the other person accepts that this is all he/she means to you, and the feelings are mutual; however, most of the time, your booty call is waiting for you to come around and fall madly in love with him/her. If the sex is good enough, your booty call will hold onto the possibility of winning you over at some point.

There's a fine line when it comes to this type of relationship, so make sure you don't overstep your boundaries by doing boyfriend/girlfriend things, going on frequent dates or texting/talking on the phone too much.

Friends With Benefits

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This type of relationship can get real sticky, real quick, and not in a good way. Friends with benefits is a similar scenario to the booty call, except that this is someone you know through mutual friends or have known for years, so there's already some sort of connection and feelings involved, even if it was previously just "as friends.” You actually like this person for who they are, but for whatever reason, having a relationship just isn't in the cards.

You have to be careful because you don't want to hurt this person and things could get awkward if it ends, as you still hang in the same social circle. If it's a childhood or family friend, then you're really in for it when it ends. Relationships like these never last because one person becomes more emotionally invested than the other, and all hell breaks loose.

Because there's always two people involved, the risk of hurting someone or you getting hurt are always high - whether the relationship is purely physical or romantic in nature. In my experience, you have to like someone at least a little bit in order to have a good, lasting physical relationship with that person. I certainly can't have sex with someone on a continual basis who can't make me laugh or stimulate my mind in some way. That's what makes sex great and pleasurable. It's the connection, not just the physical act.

When you have no expectations, you have no disappointments. If you can go into a relationship with a switch to turn your feelings on and off, then you've won half the battle. Some might think that's cold and heartless, but you either have to protect yourself or that other person, and trust me when I say, that other person isn't looking out for anyone but their self.

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