Why Sex Will Never Fulfill Personal Voids

by Sam Maracic

Sex: it's such a simple word for a pretty complicated act. We've all heard it said, that quintessential line, "I just want someone to hook up with."

No strings, no responsibilities and no need to go any deeper than "What are you doing tonight?” Guy, girl, everyone has needs. It's biology and there is simply no denying it.

Whether you’re entirely uninterested, you’re a woman scorned, or you’re merely waiting for the right scenario to present itself, sometimes the conditional role of a nighttime playmate can be liberating, especially if you're a single girl enjoying the world of independent exploration.

With dreams and goals, more often than not relationships are kicked to the back burner only to find their way into our conscience again when a person worthy of attention finally comes along.

But what happens when our pursuit of strictly physical enjoyment becomes a tool for mediating notions of insecurity or loneliness, when we knowingly replace nights of sweatpants and Netflix for something far more tangible, and arguably less entertaining than a three-season binge of “Sons of Anarchy”?

Are we expecting an opportunity to get laid to satisfy something deeper? And if so, can getting down really enable anyone to get over whatever emotional baggage it is that they're holding on to?

For a lot of chicks (and guys, as well) the truth is that often times we do use sex to distract, and definitely to fulfill. Unfortunately, the reality also remains that doing the dirty will never really remedy a personal void. Here's why:

An External Approach to an Internal Problem is Only a Band-Aid, Never a Cure

A personal void is just that, personal. No matter who you are or what you believe in, we all have parts of ourselves that are just a little bit darker than the sunshine and butterflies we are willing to show the world. Insecurities are an indication of humanity, and that in itself is something to embrace.

Hooking up with a guy won't bring you any closer to learning to love yourself or getting comfortable with the parts about who you are that you have yet to mediate on your own.

It may sound silly, but the relationship you have with yourself is without a doubt the longest relationship you will have. You wouldn't fix a fight with your best friend by sleeping with a guy from your physics class, and when it comes to personal voids, insecurities and loneliness, the rules are essentially the same. You have to give attention where attention is due.

When it comes to being lonely, there really is no way around it. Plain and simple, loneliness sucks, and there is nothing quite as discouraging as feeling like a walking dude repellent.

We've all been there. Wanting to feel something even if it’s only in a physical sense is normal, and if you've been single for a while, hookups are inevitable. But there is a huge distinction to be made between physical isolation and a deeper desire to avoid being alone.

If you know the aftermath of sleeping with someone will affect you, then there is a good chance you're using a potential hook up to appease more than just a physical need.

Voids Exist As Opportunities for Growth

Newsflash to you ladies out there: We are impossibly hard on ourselves. Regardless of whether it has something to do with how we look, or some other issue, at the end of the day we have got to remember, no one is perfect.

All we can do is learn to love the imperfections that make us who we are. Unfortunately, no matter how hot the guy is, his attention will at best provide you with a false, and temporary, sense of confidence that can only truly exist when you learn these lessons by loving yourself.

It's easy to let a physical encounter transform itself into the imaginary retreat of something deeper. But at the end of the day, you are only selling yourself short by not pushing back against that momentary source of security.

If you choose to engage in a little casual mattress mambo, then enjoy it for what it is, but don't lose sight of the ability you have to evoke your own happiness.

Find it in you to confront your voids head on, because like they say, the only way to get over it is to go through it.

Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It