Why You Don’t Need To Date In Your Twenties

by Ashley Fern

For some reason it seems that too many people in this age group are looking for the “one.” Your twenties should be focused on personal growth and development and finding your career niche. How can you be looking for a stable relationship when your relationship with yourself at this time is so chaotic?

I understand the need for comfort and intimacy, but isn’t it a little bit more convenient to just have a few sidepieces? Do you really need to commit every spare moment you have to another person?

Your 20s are your time to experiment. How can you do whatever you want if you constantly need to be accountable to someone else? One of my best friends in college told me something that will resonate with me for the rest of my life, “Being single is great, you just do what you want to do, like whatever the f*ck you want to do, whenever the f*ck you want to do it.” How fun does that sound? You know what doesn’t sound fun to me: “Hi boyfriend, I was just wondering what you think about me going to Mexico with a few of the girls?” Do you think that’s a conversation that’s going to go well? No, I think not.

Being in a relationship limits the opportunities that are available to you at this age. You will never be younger than you are today! You have the rest of your life to be tied down.

Let’s be real for a second. Does dating even exist in your 20s? It seems that everyone is too busy hooking up with the first person they can get their hands on. Rates of binge drinking are among the highest in the age group 18-25, so it should come as no surprise how sexually active these people are.

If you really think about it, how does a person know what they want to do for the rest of their life at this age, let alone whom they want to spend it with? Your 20s should be about YOU; what you like and what you do not. How are you supposed to figure out your identity if a partner is influencing your judgment?

This is your time to be selfish.

Unless you take the time to really get to know someone and realize what qualities you desire in a partner, you will end up in an unhappy relationship. What’s the point of dating at this age if you don’t see a future with this person? We’re getting to that age where we can’t waste our time in meaningless relationships like we did in high school. That was the time for mistakes, not now. Don’t waste the best years of your life on someone who isn’t the best person for you.

Post-college is an awkward transition period that the majority of 20-something year olds have difficulty navigating. We are trying to establish ourselves in careers and in life. Many people are constantly moving to cities in rotational programs or just because new opportunities arise. There is too much uncertainty surrounding us at this time to be locked down in a serious relationship.

You can’t compromise your goals or values because you are scared to be alone. It shocks me how many people remain in bad relationships in order to prevent loneliness. This is inherently problematic; isn’t it more lonely to be with someone you don’t like? In the long run you are only hurting yourself and preventing yourself from achieving future happiness.

You will never be more invincible and capable than you are at this present moment. This is a time for freedom and discovery. Throughout life you will constantly be growing; the person you are at 25 is not the person you will be at 35, so why commit yourself to someone this early in life?