Why Finding 'The One' Is Nearly Impossible But We Do It Anyway
I always hear people say, "When you’ve met the one, you know you’ve met the one." Honestly, though, I can’t imagine it actually works that way. What about all of the individuals who thought they met the one until coming to realize he or she wasn't the one when the relationship didn't last? They "knew" they met the one until the relationship continued and failed rather than prospered. If "knowing" that someone is the one is all that’s needed, then the majority of people have let go and lost "the one" several times before finding their final "one."
Overall, the concept of "the one" I find to be a bit bothersome. Not in the sense that there isn’t or couldn’t be one person in our lives who makes it worth living, but the idea that there could only be one person in the world who could fulfill our dreams. I’d rather believe that there are plenty of individuals out there who could potentially be the one.
What people need to come to realize is that we function in a reality governed by space and time -- you are only exposed to most of the people you are exposed to by chance. So do the math: If there is only one person in the whole entire world out there for you, what are the chances that you’d come to meet them? Slim to none.
The chances are less than one in a billion because you won’t meet all seven billion people on the planet. In fact, you won’t meet most of them. So, meeting the one, if there was truly only one, would have to be a miracle. Believe what you will, but I don’t believe in miracles, only chance. You either meet a person or you don’t meet a person – it's all by chance. You could argue that there is some mystical hand guiding us towards that one person, but I don’t buy it.
Regardless, chance is chance and whether being lucky and meeting a person you will love forever is simply luck or a greater design does not matter; it will happen or it won’t. The only thing you can do is be damn sure to give it your all when you think you may have hit the lottery.
This takes understanding the characteristics that would allow being with and loving the one. These characteristics, however, don’t only pertain to the other party; they pertain to you, as well. What makes the relationship with the one is that both parties can handle it. Love can be very, very overwhelming. I’m not talking about blinding to the point where you don’t see the others’ flaws; that’s true, as well. I’m talking about what happens once that blindness wears off – which it always does – and we are thrown into a less fluffy reality. It’s like waking up from a dream only to wish you could fall back asleep again.
We romanticize the sh*t out of our relationships when we first fall for someone. Which is great, until your love stabilizes and the novelty of it all wears off. Then you are stuck with two individuals who still love each other, but are prone to questioning whether or not they are still "in love" with each other. No one ever bothers to define what being "in love" means.
They always give you that half-assed answer of: You just know. Just knowing is obviously not information ascertained from somewhere outside of us. Therefore, it must originate form within us; meaning that being in love is simply the way we feel. We either feel we are in love or we don’t. The problem is that we too often relate feeling of love with the bodily changes we experience and not with the changes in the way we see things.
The person who can potentially be "the one" for you is the person who opens your eyes to a new, slightly different reality. He or she will expose you to parts of the world you didn’t know existed. This person will change your life and do so for the positive. He or she will make your life better, a whole lot better.
Throughout our lives, we meet plenty of individuals. Some great, others awful; it’s simply the way it is. But even the awesome people we meet usually aren’t capable of broadening our horizons.
Most people either confirm the beliefs we have or give poor arguments for why we ought to change our beliefs. Very, very few people are actually able to make us believe in something different. The one will make you feel like you are living more because you will literally be experiencing more, even if that doesn’t mean physically experiencing more, but only mentally. When you find the one, your life will be significantly grander.
You, of course, have to add sexual chemistry to the mix, but since that's a given, I won’t delve into the details. What’s most important is for us to understand that even when we find one of the ones, it’s not guaranteed to work out. Space and time don’t only regulate the people we meet, but also the people we are – our level of maturity, our humor, our character. Each and every day, you are a different person – the same goes for everyone else.
The real key to finding the one and sticking with this person is meeting him or her at a time when you are both ready to settle down. That is truly the deciding factor. No matter how much you love a person or how much he or she loves you, if either of you aren’t ready to accept that you found the one person to love and cherish forever, then you won’t work out. When we aren’t ready our minds bring up too many questions and concerns, making us waiver, uncertain about how we feel and of what this person actually means to us.
Knowing that you’ve found the one is when you are both certain that neither of you will waiver, or decide to give up. Unfortunately, luck once again plays a role. You may be able to control yourself, but you can’t control other people. That’s why love can be so difficult and complicated. But don’t give up… There’s no reason to live more worthwhile than to love.
Photo via We Heart It
