This Is When You Should Start Having Sex With A New Partner, According To An Expert

by Alison Segel
Viktor Solomin/Stocksy

I've been known to have sex on the first date. Is that bad? Well, apparently, it depends.

There are a lot of "rules" people throw around regarding sex and relationships, and they mostly apply to women. You don't hear guys wondering about when they should have sex with that girl they liked or concerned they had it too early and that they'll be perceived as a slut.

However, for some reason, women are consistently plagued with the question, "when is it OK for us to have sex when starting a new relationship?"

But for curiosity's sake, I reached out to Dr. Martha Lee, clinical sexologist and author of Love, Sex and Everything In-Between and Orgasmic Yoga, to see if there is a "right" time for couples to start having sex.

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First off, it depends on what kind of relationship you want to be in.

Dr. Lee tells Elite Daily, "If you are looking for a committed relationship, sex should not be a priority. In fact, sex too soon can blur your ability to think clearly and assess whether the person is right for you."

So if you truly are looking for a relationship with someone, then you should start having sex with your partner once you feel you're truly compatible with that person. Otherwise, you might be running on lust, rather than suitability, respect, and common interests.

According to Dr. Lee, you need to see "whether the person is compatible as a life partner beyond attraction (e.g. religion/ spiritual values, lifestyle, future goals, financial goals, leisure interests/hobbies, parenting, and so on." And jumping into the sack too early might hinder your ability to see that.

But what about the myth that you shouldn't have sex on the first date?

Lee says, "Sex on the first date does send certain messages about you, even if it is not true. It leaves room for projection or misinterpretation about you (e.g. that you don't respect your body, don't value sex, too casual with your values.)"

But in the end, it all depends on what you're looking for.

If you want a fling or to be friends with benefits, then have sex whenever you'd like, as long as it's consensual, protected, and you feel comfortable.

But if you're looking for something more substantial, then it might be best to wait until you really know the person. That might be the key to a relationship that's built on a healthy foundation and is bound to last.